*Monday Memos**

*MONDAY MEMOS*

   

 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge) 
Weekly recap of my rather crazy, insane, but fun and rewarding life!

dear monday, I woke up around 4 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep as per usual.  It was snowing like today.  I got in the shower and really had to loofah the leg.  Good news is the foot was peeling a bit too so that means the swelling is going down on it as well.  At least, I hope that's what it means.  I am concerned that I can't straighten out my knee or put my foot down to the ground without it bending (on my toe).  Those muscles don't want to stretch.  Really hope I don't pull one.  

I worked on my blog for a while but then my back started to just freak out on me.  Oh man, whoever is reading this, DO NOT TAKE YOUR HEALTH for granted!!!  If your legs work, praise heaven!  If your back isn't in pain, praise heaven!  If you can get around without assistance, praise heaven!  We take so much for granted in this life!!!  

dear tuesday, today we headed out early so we could be to the Huntsman by 8:45 a.m.  

It took a long time to get there. I am so grateful for the Farmington Huntsman so I don't have to drive up to the U of U one every time.  Such a HUGE blessing.  They had Valet parking which was nice.  I got inside and they took me back and told Dave it was women only.  Well, that wasn't true because I had three men (yes THREE!) in the room where they did all the radiation prep on me.  I truly wish that it was true since you lay there nearly in all your glory while they draw on you and put wire tape on you and line you up with lasers while writing down calculations.  They also had to make an arm mold for me and so my arms were straight up above my head for almost 40 minutes and by the time it was over, my left arm was totally numb.  They put me in a CT scan several times back and forth and then I got tattoos!  Yep, I am a tattooed woman!  So now when ever I take those surveys, I will have to answer YES I do have tattoos.  Three.  They are not big at all.  Just dots, but they are permanent.  They are so they can get the radiation completely accurate. I guess I deserve some markings to show for it besides the scars for all this.  Hah

I'm definitely feeling like a Grandma!

While I was in the CT scanner, I was praying.  More specifically, I was calling on my angels.  (MUST READ a LIFE CHANGING talk HERE.)  

When I came out of the scanner, the song on the overhead was repeating over and over, "I'm sending out an SOS".  I had to just grin.  And then the next time I came out of the CT scanner the lyrics on another song playing were, "I never did believe in miracles. But I've a feeling it's time to try".   

I honestly believe that was HF way of confirming to me that my prayers were heard.  And WILL be answered!  I WILL get that miracle I have been praying for!  Sometimes He just makes me smile.  He has been right here by my side each and every step of this journey.  I am so grateful.

I went in not feeling too hot.  I was just not up to snuff today, but when I came out, I was so relieved that was done.  I start on Tuesday.  The first treatment is a simulation to make sure every thing lines up perfectly and then I go Wednesday for the real thing and go every weekday thereafter for 19 treatments total.  I am not looking forward to it at all, but I am SO GRATEFUL I only have to do that and NOT chemo!!!  I would do the radiation a million times over if I could avoid chemo.  So technically, I have to say 
I am grateful I GET to do it!  

I am going to try to be positive about it each and every time and bless it every time I go for helping to keep me cancer free.  It truly is a blessing!  And IF I get the side effects (mainly skin burning and extreme fatigue that can last up to a month after) then I will still be grateful that those are the only side effects I have to deal with and those from chemo.  I am so GRATEFUL for that!!! SO-SO-SO GRATEFUL!!!  It truly is a miracle!!!  

Dave had grabbed a breakfast sandwich while he waited.  He asked me what I was craving and even though it was only 10:30 a.m. I told him a turkey bacon avocado salad from Kneaders.  We went to the one in Bountiful.  Mmm... It was so good! He put that cute ribbon on the top.  What a romantic?  :)

We stopped and visited my parents for a bit.  My mom is up and doing well.  She is still pretty tired but that is normal.  We came home and I headed upstairs to rest.  These day outings really take it out of me.  I feel like a toddler who needs his nap (even though I can't ever sleep) after playing hard.  The difference is I don't even play that hard.  LOL  

Dave had meetings after work.  Mr. Cat kept me company.  

dear wednesday, today wasn't my best day.  No bad days though right?  

There is always something to find in each day that is good no matter how bad.  

Today's was that Mr. Cat could tell I wasn't doing well and he kept jumping on  me and laying on my chest just purring away.  I was feeling pretty down about the leg thing.  I am pretty worried something is seriously wrong that may prevent me from ever really being able to walk normally again without some serious surgery or other things.  

Running isn't on my radar at the moment and that's pretty depressing too.  The back has decided to jump on the band wagon in a big way lately as well.  I was hoping it would be the opposite and all the rest would heal it somewhat. I'm really tired of being tired and tired of being down.  I have tried to be patient and enjoy the down time but every single muscle is now sore and tired also.  My muscles need to move and to exercise.  Even my bones and joints ache.  It will be six weeks on Saturday!  That is a LONG time to be basically bed ridden.  I just lay there wanting to jump up and walk.  I lay there thinking of how nice it would be to clean my house to my standards.  I lay there and see things I just want to do.  Things I want to organize. Things I want to move. Things I want to dust.  Things I want to get rid of.  Gosh, once I am back to normal, I might even enjoy cleaning the house!  Well, okay maybe I shouldn't take it that far.  LOL  I truly took my good health and legs for granted.  I do have to keep telling myself it could be worse!  So much worse.  What if my right arm had been broken in the accident?  What if I had to do chemo?  It is amazing how gratitude can always turn a bad day around.  That and talking to friends.  

Writing also helps me immensely.

Dave and I had a long talk as well.  He doesn't know quite what to do with me when I get like this.  LOL  Sadly, Sky called around 11 pm or so and Carson had split open his head. He fell off a stool and hit the side of the tub.  They drove up here to get stitches.  I wish so bad I could have gone down and held that little guy's hand.  Dave got home after midnight and told me that he was brave but felt a couple of the stitches.  Ouch.  It was really deep to the bone.  He had to have five or six.  I felt so bad.  Sarah had to have her foot cut into the other day by Dave to find a piece of glass too.  Ouch.  Oh, the things that can happen.

dear thursday, saw this on Instagram. I like it!

I didn't sleep well last night.  Too much on my mind. :(  Carson called me this morning.  He told me about his stitches and Sky sent me some pix of it.  That poor little thing!   Sky said last night he said, "I'm just falling apart!"  LOL  I'm sure he's heard me and my mom say that more than once.  Hehe  

I got up and got showered and ready to head to the Huntsman when Dave got back from Pickleball.  I had an appt with my surgeon Dr. Poretta.  We had to wait quite a while. I had to take this survey while waiting and a lot of the questions were about my state of mind.  I guess they screen for depression.  They asked about pain level and things like that as well.  The funny thing is I had to answer them all according to my leg issues and not for the cancer.  If I had answered just for the cancer, it would have been totally different.  

Back at Huntsman again!  I am so happy he has been by my side during this!

Dr. Poretta examined me and said that things look like they are healing pretty well.  She gave me the go ahead for radiation.  She also expressed her joy and surprise that my oncotype number was so low.  She didn't expect that.  MIRACLE!!!  I told her it was one.  She smiled and nodded.  

She wants me back in six months and then she will decide after that how often.  I am closely watched for the five years and while I am on the chemo hormone therapy.  That is a good thing.  I am so grateful for wheelchairs. Never thought I'd say that!  Dave and I went to Zuppa's for lunch and I had to get inside via my walker.  

I haven't gone that far on it all at once so far.  I did okay.  It felt so good to be out in the real world!  So nice to be outside and surrounded by the world and life going on as normal.  We also grabbed some donut holes at Madbrooks at Farmington Park Station.  Dave asked me if there was any where else I wanted to go.  That was torture.  Yes, my favorite store Home Goods is right there, but I'm a cripple and can't go inside since they have no wheelchair and on my walker, I wouldn't last more than five or ten minutes! My body was already hurting from the rest of the outing and so we didn't stop at my parents.  Dave also had to get to work. 

Robin sent me a text telling me that I could borrow her crutches if I wanted.  Oh man, did I!  She said she also had something for me that she wanted to give me but I told her no one was home and the door was locked and my leg was HUGE from my outing and so I didn't dare get back up on it.  I told her Dave could stop by on his way home.  He did and this is what she gave me:

I was speechless!  I am so humbled and so honored!  Seriously, so stunned she would do this for me!  The medal is engraved!  And the shirt is awesome.  I am so blessed by so many amazing and good people and friends.  I feel just so humbled by it all.  I in no way deserve all the amazing things people are doing for me.  It just makes me sob.  I feel so loved.  And so very blessed.  Yet, so undeserving!  

dear friday, I got up and was a bit nervous all day about my Physical Therapy appt this afternoon.  Mainly because I know it's going to be painful and at this moment I am so done with pain.  haha  I know, I know, NO PAIN NO GAIN!  A friend told me that before and that helped me feel more okay with it.  Just do it!  On the other hand, I am VERY excited because I want to get things moving the right direction ASAP!  I watched several episodes of I Love Lucy to get my humor level up.  One day I will look back and read this and wonder about that I'm sure, but hey, don't knock it because it works!   

Dave came home and picked me up for my PT.  I feel so bad for him having to chauffeur me everywhere!  He is already SO busy and now he has to figure out how to get me everywhere I need to go. Once my radiation starts, I am going to have to rely on bothering other peeps to take me because he can't take time off EVERY day for the next month!  It's too bad I have to go clear to Farmington, but yet, I am so grateful they have a Huntsman that close because having to go to the SLC one would seriously be a nightmare!  I could go to Ogden, but once on the freeway, Farmington isn't much farther.  Dave dropped me off at Physical Therapy and then ran to a clinic meeting.  I went in on my crutches!  Woo-hoo me!  I haven't gone that far on them before today!  Here we go!

 Rob was great.  I am SO blessed I found him several years ago. I trust him very much and would recommend him to anyone. He is hard to get into and they told me I would have to wait three weeks!  I emailed him and explained my situation to him.  He was able to get me in sooner.  It's a good thing I did because after examining me he told me that if I had waited much longer, I might not EVER be able to get my mobility back.  Whoa.  That scared me.  I am glad Dave insisted.  He said once you are over 40, it's hard to get your joints and muscles to go back once cast if for a long period of time.  And mine was only on for 2.5 weeks!  So glad he got that thing off when he did.  Imagine if it had been six weeks!?  For the short time mine was on, it shouldn't have been giving me that much trouble.  It is what it is and it's not all the cast but the blood clots are the problem in my ankles.  That thing crushed everything!  He also is worried about the left side of my knee.  When he pushed on it, I almost when through the roof!!!  Seriously, it was excruciating!  I haven't let Dave do that and so we really weren't aware it was so bad.  Now, I'm worried.  Really worried.  Something has to be majorly wrong to hurt that bad and to not have healed by now.  But maybe it's good it's only when I stretch it or he pushes on it.  Rob is more worried about the knee and Dave is concerned about the ankle.  I have two MRI's tomorrow. One on each.  It will be good to know.  My main issues are getting my knee to straighten back to it's normal place.  And my ankle to move normally and my foot to go down on the ground.  He took measurements and was surprised how far I need to go to get back.  The other issue is the ankle and getting full movement back in it.  He did say that I am lucky I was in such great condition before this happened because that will only help me get back faster.  

He gave me a compression sock to help with the crazy swelling!  Dave tried to get me to do that as well.  Hehe  Rob said something like you are never a prophet in your own country and laughed because his wife is the same way with his advice. We did a TON of ankle and knee exercises and holy, they were painful, but necessary.  They look like Mickey Mouse exercises to anyone else, but man, they take all I have.  I have to be diligent in doing them if I want to get back to where I was.  He watched me walk on the crutches and showed me how I had to change that.  I have to trust my bad leg and I don't.  The good news is, he told me he is pretty confident I can get my full mobility back.  The bad news is, it is going to take THREE to SIX MONTHS to do it!!!  That is full mobility and walking normally.  Wow!! That is forever!!!  BUT, I am totally fine as long as I can!!!  He thinks he can get me driving though in a couple weeks!  So, that is really GOOD NEWS!!!  I am so grateful I went in now!  I was feeling so grateful for Dave and for always being late for work and meetings so he can accommodate all my appointments.  I gave him the biggest hug when he got back in the car to drive me home after running in the clinic to see three patients because my appt went too long.  And he never complains.  And he gave me his salad from his clinic meeting.  Oh, it was so good and had extra beets!   Forgot to take a photo so here is one from the internet:

I got inside and was so exhausted. I just wanted to rest the rest of the day.  What happened to ME?!  This is so not like me!  But I have just decided to not fight it. My body has been through a LOT and if it needs rest then it needs rest and for the first time in my life and actually listening to it!  Dave worked until after 8. I was pretty much gone by then. LOL  My body wants to start sleeping about 8 and then I wake up about 11 or so and then sleep for a while and then wake up about 3 or 4 and can't seem to go back to sleep for the life of me. But that's an improvement from earlier, so I'll take it.

This is my mood today.  Pretty meh...  But still so grateful I am able to what I can! Not much, but still have the ability to do a lot more than if things had been worse!

dear saturday, 

I feel bad I had to miss our Stake Women's Conference today. It looked so good too. Brooke even offered to come and get me and take her grandma's wheelchair. I ALMOST did, but figured it would be too much since I had the MRI's today as well. 
Dave got home from work and off we went for my MRI's.  I wasn't nervous because I know I won't get the results back for a couple days.  I was concerned if I could hold my knee still for 25 minutes.  As I should have been. She had to do one part of that one over because of slight movement. It was involuntary though because it started twitching.  That was tough.  The ankle was a piece of cake and I totally enjoyed my time just laying there listening to amazing soft rock music and just zoning out a bit.  It was pretty relaxing. I did have to have her help me walk because I couldn't take my crutches in.  But, I did okay.  Dave has been after me to walk better in them. I tend to not put all the weight I can on my bad leg and not take a big enough step with the good one.  We went to Jimmy Johns after.  Mmm....  I always get #12.  The turkey, provolone, avocado.  So yummy!  

We then went to Costco, but I was so tired so I stayed in car and elevated my leg.  It was fun to people watch.  So many people park in the handicap that seem totally able to walk farther. Kinda funny. I read my scriptures and just patiently waited.  He said he ran into the Lewis' and a couple other peeps.  We then went to Wendy's and got a family chili for my parents and took it to them.  They were happy.  My Mom looked and acted great!  Other than my Dad said she can't really remember much about the surgery.  That is good I think!  Dave was doing PT on me while we were there and trying to get my knee to straighten more.  It is going to take a lot of work!  We came home and I did all my PT exercises.  My knee started to hurt pretty bad though. I am not sure what to do about that though other than hope the MRI results hurry back.  

dear sunday, today I got up before 6 a.m. and got ready for the day. I had to get my compression sock back on because I didn't wear it yesterday due to the MRI.  I did okay getting it on alone.  Yay!  Big accomplishment!  hehe I did my morning routine, scriptures, prayers, journal.  I have really been praying and studying on faith. I read Alma 32 again today. I am praying for another miracle that my leg will heal completely and I won't have to have anything invasive done to my leg and the MRI will be good. I love Pres. Uchdorf's quote:

I am casting out all doubts and fears and going forward with FAITH!!!  TOTAL FAITH!!!  

They brought me the sacrament again which is so nice of them.  Then Sheila Lewis stopped by to visit.  I was looking forward to her chat.  She is a wonderful person and I I got the sweetest card and photos in the mail from Kenna, Linda's sister in law who also went through cancer.  She told me that angels truly helped her get through her cancer experience.  Seen and unseen. She sent me the angel talk by Wendy Watson Nelson (our prophet's wife) on angels. I linked it above as well, but HERE it is again.  I have read it several times over the years and I have tried to do as she suggests and call on our angels for help.  I am a witness that they do come and do help!  And I am so blessed to have so many amazing angels to help me. I know my Tyson, my Grandma Mae and Shelley are my main ones because I feel them often.  I also have my Grandpa Ed, Grandma Helen, Aunt Carmen, Grandpa Ira and many others I don't even remember helping me.

She also sent me some amazing pictures:

 
I just LOVE this one!  And not just because she is wearing purple trimmed in gold. It speaks to me. I truly believe that I have had angels minister to me daily.  I have felt Heavenly Father's love each and every day and I know He is there beside me along with the Savior to help me through.  I remember thinking in the beginning that I was being punished and kept saying my name is J O D I not J O B!  I no longer feel that way.  Now, I feel like no matter the reasons for all of this, it doesn't really matter.  What matters is I have been blessed to have Heavenly Father and the Savior right beside me every step of the way. I KNOW they are aware of me and I KNOW they love me.  Just feeling so intensely loved by them may have made this all worth it.  

I have also learned so much from it as well.  I have learned the power of faith and how miracles are real and are brought about by that power of faith.  That fear and faith cannot co-exist.  And that you can cast out that fear by simply saying you are going to focus on faith and when those doubts appear to just immediately change your thinking back to the good and the vision of the miracle you desire and then BELIEVE with all your soul it will happen.  Visualize it happening.  Thank Heavenly Father in advance for it. And actually feel what it will be like once it does. 

I have learned even more about gratitude.  I thought I knew a lot about it, but I am continually amazed at the strength and the power it has to immediately pull me out of a deep place to a bright and happy place.  It truly is magic.  And even though it's not always easy and not a natural or automatic response, it can become that way.  And the more you practice it, the easier it gets.  And the more you express it the more things you have to be grateful for.  It can change your energy and brings in a certain vibration that is almost like the heavens open and pour down more blessings upon you!  There is only good that can come from gratitude!  

I have learned (again) that Heavenly Father WANTS and DESIRES to bless us!  Sometimes all we have to do is ASK.  But as it says in the Bible Dictionary under Prayer:

"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings." 

I know He loves to bless and give us what we want.  But, we have to first ASK!  Of course, just as any parent, the answer won't always be yes because He sees the bigger picture, but we have nothing to lose in asking!  I love how it says it is the appointed means for obtaining the HIGHEST of all blessings!  This gives me great comfort and peace.  

I have also learned to LET GO!  Turn it over to Him.  Bless and release!  Pray for what you want, but also allow it to be what it is meant to be.  Allow HIS WILL.  And then be grateful for whatever that may be. 

dear random, this is my crazy son Taylor and his bud CJ.  They did this last year as well.  They do crack me up I must say.

 This guy came right up to the door on the back porch to steal some apples sitting there in a basket. He deserves it for being so brave.  And cute!

 This popped on my memories and is definitely one of my most faves.  My friend Dawn made it and posted it.  Oh my, we DO have fun together.  

She's done it again!  My very talented niece Aubrey has another new release! Go check it out!

This was on the Boston Marathon Training page.  This guy did the marathon JUST LIKE THIS in 2015!  In the rain!  I fear that would be me if I had the choice this year!!!  I am not sure how anything could stop me from running it if I got in!!!  This guy deserves RESPECT!  Wow!  He said his hands were raw when training for it!  WOW!

YES I DID!!!  How about you?

 dear quotes,