*Monday Memos*

*MONDAY MEMOS*

   

 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge) 
Weekly recap of my rather crazy, insane, but fun and rewarding life!

dear monday, today I stayed home all day. It felt so good to not have to go anywhere. Hah  I am trying to get back into life but it's exhausting. LOL  I need to remember I have to ease back into and not expect I can just dive right back in how things were before. Taylor was home for a bit.  We had the turks return for a while today.  

Then Bryce and Hailey and her kiddos stopped by. She had a meeting and so we had fun hanging out on the swing in the backyard.  

I gave them ice cream cones and Liam loved it. That kid cracks me up. He LOVES to eat!  

Taylor left his yogurt container on the ground with a spoon in it and he found it and started to eat it even though it was basically empty.  Hilarious!

They are the cutest little things. Bryce is so cute with them. I made them grilled cheese with green bread.  Dave came home and made some corn dogs and they preferred them.  They were so fun. Then Haylie arrived and they headed home. 

We had some excitement up our street too.

dear tuesday, 

Luff him!

I got our fairly early and went to Walmart.  I had to get some gifts etc. I spent way too much money on Easter treats.  Hah  :)  I came home and got ready for my PT.  It went okay.  Rob had to leave and so I had another girl finish with me. She didn't measure the same as Rob and my extension was only a 10.  Rob had it at a 10 cold. So I know it was better than that warm.  Oh well.  That's fine.  

Doing the FUN Station!  Fun Fun!  NOT!

I came home and Bryce and Hailey came over again with the cuties.  They crack me up.  They had been on a hike on the mountain.  We went outside for a bit but it was so cold!  We came back inside and Brinlee told me about her rocks she found outside.  They didn't stay too long but we had lots of fun. 

dear wednesday, today I met Karen, Linda, Carolyn, Nat, and Tanae at the Rusted Spoon for breakfast for Karen and Carolyn's birthdays.  The service was very slow, and food wasn't great, but the company was good.  We had fun chatting about lots of stuff.  We got some pix.

I headed home so we could get to my appointment at the TOSH clinic in SLC.  I wasn't even nervous about this appointment to see Dr. Van Boreum. He is an ankle specialist but I was hoping he could tell me about my knee as well.  That place is huge! 

The walls are covered with photos and notes from famous athlete's (professional and Olympians) who have been there. Most have something written on the photo saying thanks for helping me get back out.  It's very impressive.  The Utah Jazz players have several as well.  

I had to walk quite a ways to get to his office.  We went in and waited and then they came and got me to get some x-rays.  

I asked them to take some of my knee as well, but they said they couldn't because he is only an ankle specialist.  Great.  When he finally came in the room he examined my ankle and told me I would have to get an appt with a knee specialist for it.  He just does ankles.  He talked to me about the accident and then looked at my x-rays. Not good.  He said it looks like part of my talus bone in my ankle is dead or dying.  He said it looks very dense compared to my other bones (which have osteoporosis) and he thinks it has no blood supply going there. He said my ligaments were pretty messed up and that it looks like my ankle really got twisted up and tore all those which in turn cause the fibula to break which is attached to the talus.  He said he thinks that's why it broke, not due to being crushed.  No wonder it was all so painful.  So much was going on at the same time.  He told me that I will not be able to do anything with impact.  And that running would be the worst thing I could possible do. He said if it fractures then it will never be able to heal and I will get very painful arthritis and not be able to ever walk normally for the rest of my life and there is no surgery that can fix it.  He did say that it could possibly regenerate but he didn't sound very hopeful at all.  That was a lot to take in.  When I told him that running is my life, he very matter of factly said, "You will have to find another sport."  No biggy, just find another sport.  I told him about Boston and he told me congratulations. I told him I really wanted to get back to Boston and run it at least one more time.  No comment.  

I have NO idea how I held it in.  But I did.  I wanted to burst out in tears, but I stayed composed.  I left there feeling pretty hopeless.  And then I have two other strikes against me due to the osteoporosis and the cancer pills that weaken the bones.  It's like the perfect storm.  We made an appointment with a knee specialist for next week.  Then I went outside and waited for Dave to get the car because we parked on the completely wrong side of the building. I sat out there alone trying to soak it all in, but trying to not soak my face.  As soon as I got in the car, Dave pulled into a stall and we just sat there and I could hold it in no longer. I just cried and cried.  He tried to console me but I was pretty sad.  We sat there for a good 20-30 minutes just talking it through. Not ever running again?  How?  I have no idea how I can NOT run!  It's who I am.  It's what I do.  It's how I deal with life. It's my therapy.  It's such a huge part of me.  I was feeling pretty upset I ever got on that dang snowmobile.  I always thought if I was ever not able to run it would be from a running injury, not a senseless accident that should have never happened.  After talking and crying some more, I finally reached a point where I could say that I am going to just have faith that it will heal and that I am going to visualize it healing and I am going to expect another miracle.  Dave said he had no idea how I held it together in that room when the Dr. told me I couldn't run.  Truthfully neither do I.  

We went to Trolley Square to eat at the Olde Spaghetti Factory. It is my favorite restaurant and I needed some comfort food.  :)  It took us a while to find where to park, but we finally made it.  We got to sit in these great big velvet chairs.  Mmm....they have the best food.  I got my usual, the manager's special with half browned butter mizithra cheese and half meat sauce.  And, of course, I got the creamy pesto salad dressing.  So good.  Dave had lasagna.  It was good too.  We shared a spumoni ice cream after.  

As we were eating, Bonzo's daughter Jamie came in with her three kids. She asked if I would watch Ford while she took the others to the restroom.  He was asleep but so cute.  They sat just across from us and so we chatted quite a bit. I took a photo of Ava with me and sent it to Bonzo.  Such cute kids.  I sure do love that place.

We headed home but got stuck in rush hour traffic.  Dave had meetings tonight.  I just went  upstairs and crashed.  I was so not expecting that news today. I thought I would sail out of there with a big smile on my face.  The crazy thing is, my ankle has been the least of my concerns through all this.  It is a tender mercy I even went to this doctor. I only did because Bonnie recommended him. I had no idea he was just for ankles.  If I had known, I wouldn't have gone. If I hadn't gone who knows what would have happened.  I am hoping it wouldn't have really mattered because it will heal itself.  But it is kind of crazy how this all worked out.   Sigh....  Pretty depressing day. How ironic that it was INTERNATIONAL DAY of HAPPINESS as well as the FIRST DAY of SPRING!

Maybe one day I will go back and read this and figure out why I got this news today. :)

Taylor was on KUTV News tonight.  He was playing basketball to promote the TMAT tourney that is this weekend.  He is the one with the ball in the top right shot and was left out of the bottom right shot.  But he is in the others.  Pretty cool.

dear thursday, well today was basically a crappy day all around.  I woke up and was feeling so sad about what I learned yesterday.  I cried for a while.  Wrote for a while.  Cried some more. Prayed a lot.  Sent texts asking for prayers.  Cried some more. I knew running was my life and very important to me but I had no idea how much until this.  I'm taking all this pretty hard.  I didn't want to get up and shower or go anywhere.  I just basically stayed in my chair until about 2:00.  I have not been like this in... maybe... forever.  Maybe a lot of it is the accumulation of everything as well.  One more blow to the add to the mix.  Sometimes it just seems like it's never ending. Then Dave came home for lunch and sat down by me and asked me how I was doing and I lost it again.  I am not sure I cried this much when I was worried I was going to have to have chemo.  He felt bad for me and tried his best to boost my spirits and tell me that this is not a for sure thing and there is a chance my body will repair itself.  He told me to not worry about it. Easy to say when it's not your body.  Even if you take running out of the equation, I don't want to live my life in fear and worry my ankle is going to pulverize if I accidentally jump somewhere or fall or chase after a grand-kid.  Looking into my future is pretty depressing. It was just not a great day.  I didn't even want the TV on. I just wanted to write and read and I watched a bunch of the I am Mom Summit talks I missed earlier.  When Dave got home from work, he made me some yummy veggies for dinner.  He feels pretty bad about the whole thing.  Especially that it even ever happened.  I so wish I could go back and just not get on that dang snowmobile.  But, it happened and there is nothing I can do about that now.  It is what it is.  Can't change it.  What's done is done.  Now I just have to deal and accept.  And move on.  Life happens —accidents happen —.  It sucks, but it is what it is.  Period.  Deal and accept.

I didn't realize this photo had the word courage in it until I downloaded it.  I choose to believe that was a little love note from heaven.

I am praying hard for another miracle.  Sometimes I wonder if Heavenly Father is testing my faith by testing my faith over and over.  If that makes sense.  Some day this will all make sense.  I feel more peace now but I know it’s going to be a daily battle.  The waiting two months is going to be torture for me!   Torture!!!  I have to really focus on faith and not fear.  And visualize my ankle strong and fully healed.  Even without running in the equation— I NEED a good strong ankle to have a good quality of life.  I need this miracle.  

I’m completely exhausted from all this. Crazy I know, but I am.  It’s harder and harder to be strong when I’m constantly having to be.  But I also think I’m getting stronger and stronger with each battle.  I just need to find it right now.  I know it’s here somewhere...

dear friday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY McKAY!   He is 22 on the 22nd!  Pretty cool!  He is seriously the best kid!  We are so blessed to have him in our family.  I always used to worry he would grow up and have no confidence because his bros were always being, well, bros!  Haha  But this kid has more confidence than anyone I know.  He is a very determined guy and I know he will accomplish a lot in his life.  He is constantly reading self help books and trying to improve himself in all ways.  He is such a grateful soul as well.  He makes us laugh and we are so blessed to have him!  

 Here is my FB post:

ː̗̤̣̀̈̇ː̖́.[̲̅̅H̲̅][̲̅̅A̲̅][̲̅̅P̲̅][̲̅̅P̲̅][̲̅̅Y̲̅].ː̗̤̣̀̈̇🎈ː̗̤̀̈ː̖́.[̲̅̅B̲̅][̲̅̅I̲̅][̲̅̅R̲̅][̲̅̅T̲̅][̲̅̅H̲̅][̲̅̅D̲̅][̲̅̅A̲̅][̲̅̅Y̲̅ː̗̤̣̀̈̇ː̖́.to my baby McKay!
Nothing like turning 22 on the 22nd!!!
This great guy completed our team! What a blessing and a joy he has been to our lives! He is the most grateful person I know and always remembers to say thanks for every little thing. He is always upbeat, positive and happy. He is confident, funny, and kind. He loves to laugh and have fun but also has a very tender heart. His determination will get him far in this life! We are so grateful he is part of our family! We LOVE you! Happy 22nd buddy!
🎹🎼🎤"I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22!" 🎹🎼🎤

☆*☆*☆*☆ С днем ​​рождения!!!☆*☆*☆*☆

I headed to Wallies to try to find some treats for his birthday.  Then I headed to my physical therapy.  I told Rob the bad news.  He told me how sorry he was, but he was also optimistic and told me he has had so many people in there that were told by docs that they would never be able to play soccer again and they did.  He is always so positive and that is such a good quality to have in a PT.  I needed that.  He is just a good guy besides being a great therapist.  They had on the March Madness.  Utah State is in it this year.  Taylor came home today and was watching it but unfortunately they lost.  He came home for the TMAT tourney tonight.  His game is at 10:00 pm.  Fun Fun.  Hope I can stay awake!  Sky dropped by as well because he had an appt in Logan.  He helped me with my photos on the computer. 

Robin sent me this so I wouldn't feel so bad that I couldn't run since it was raining.  But, truthfully, I love to run in the rain. Just not a monsoon! 

 Dave and I headed to Taylor's game.  It was in the big gym. Yay!  It was packed even at that hour.  They played Shad's team.  We sat by the McCarrey's.  It was fun. I love watching Taylor play.  He is really good.  

 Things got a little rambunctious!  

I had a friend tell me their son told them how good he is. He played with him in Logan or something and said he is the only one that had athletic ability among all these other good players and is one great athlete. I talked to Sarah after.  Then I talked to Shad's mom for quite a while. She wanted to know what was up with the cane and so I told her we ended up talking about the breast cancer some how as well.  She was so nice.  I was beat!

Isn't my cane cute?

dear saturday, I ran to Kents this morning and was heading to the temple to meet Dave so he could sign my recommend but he had to put it in the computer and so I had to come home. He did the interview in the car. LOL  We then met at the temple for Emily Lindsey's wedding.  It was packed. I am good friend's with the groom's mom Colleen.  I had to leave the waiting room and sat out in the hall where another friend was.  We chatted for a while.  We then went to the sealing room and Bro. Allred did the ceremony. I love that man.  He stopped me when we were greeting the bride and groom to ask how I was doing and how concerned he has been for me. What a dear man. Dave headed back to work and I headed to Taylor's game. They were in the small gym this time.  Dave beat me there but the only seat was by Sherwin.  I sat by him until one of the guys got hurt and Dave ran out on the floor to help him (he tore his ACL and his other leg was in recovery from another torn ACL) so he will be having surgery again.  So sad.  He had to be carried off the floor.  (Bottom right in photo)

I had just said to Sherwin, how they  need to play more careful because it's not worth an injury for these games and then boom, he fell to the floor. I just cringed.  Any injuries or accidents make me cringe now. I think I need trauma therapy!  lol  Then Sherwin and Dave traded places. I was nervous someone was going to ram into my leg.  We got some photos of the team and then of the four of us moms who have been together since these boys started playing comp ball at the age of 9 or 10.  So fun.

I came home and did my PT and rested my leg a bit.  We had to go to a reception for Emily and also Taylor's game at the same time. Dave went to the reception and I went to the game.  Dave came late but we couldn't sit together.  This game was SO much fun to watch!  They played the class that is one year older and Taylor is good buds with most of them.  It was fun to watch them interact with Taylor.  He was like the magnet and everyone was surrounding him on both teams and they were laughing and having fun.  They all love him and you could see it.  It was fun to watch.  It wasn't a competitive game at all.  It was fun and they were enjoying it.  It was a blast to watch.  Taylor has always been very respected by his peers and it still holds true today.  He was also sealed being the star player when he did an amazing slam dunk!  The crowd went wild, but it got even better because right after he chased the guy with that rebounded his ball down the court and that guy was going to attempt a slam dunk and just right before he dunked it, Taylor smacked his ball and he missed.  The room erupted in laughter!  It was so great!  Perfect play!  Everyone was high-fiving him EVEN the guys on the other team!  It was so much fun to see.  He did well and had a lot of points. Sadly they barely lost.  But, it was no big deal to them.  I had fun chatting with Sarah, Sandy, Jaylyn, and a bunch of people out in the hall, including Lanae and Tom and several other people.  It is always a fun social event.

Taylor is below the yellow arrow.  The "other" team all giving him hugs and waiting in turn to give him one.  And yet, he is so humble.  But he is fun to be around so I can see why they all love him.

There was still time to hit the reception and so I decided to go even though I wasn't in a dress.  Dave had already been but he came with me.  I was bombarded with people coming over and asking how I was doing.  We made it though the line but then chatted with a lot of people. It was at the new academy center.  

I had made Twix bars for McKay's for his birthday as well as for a lady in our ward whose husband died a year ago today.  He always bid on my Twix bars at our ward silent auction and he always made sure he outbid everyone so he would win. I never did find out how much he ended up paying for them but I was told it was a very high amount.  I decided to take her some in memory of him and she was so very grateful.  

She posted this on Facebook (copied and pasted):

The other day as my daughter and I were painting.. She mentioned how much she missed dad bidding on Jodi home made Twix bars and how she loved them so much . I said well you won't be getting Any more of those cause they don't have that activity any more and I wouldn't even dare ask Jodi to make any for you right now cause she's had a very very rough winter and with one leg to stand on .. No way I'll ask her... Well yesterday as I came home from piano recital and a game.. On my porch was these twix with a beautiful note from Jodi... Don't tell me she wasn't inspired.. Thank you sooo much Jodi.. You don't know what that meant to us.. Love you 💖💖💖

And. . . PROOF that you get back 10 fold what you give.  I had all these delivered to me today or left on my porch....

My good friend Michele's son Derek brought us dinner ↑ completely out of the blue.  I ran with him in a couple St. George marathons and paced him for a bit in one.  But, I was so shocked he would be so kind to do this.

I found this on my porch when I got back from one of the games.  My friend Shauna who lives in Maine and who me and all my friends stayed with after the Boston Marathon in 2017, had her daughter deliver this.  It is a Swarovski crystal bracelet and so gorgeous. Her daughter wrote the card but Shauna told her what to write.  It was so thoughtful of her!  

Seriously, people are just so nice and thoughtful!

dear sunday, I headed to church and McKay showed up a bit later.  It was a good meeting.  Bro. Walker spoke about how he was inactive a lady in his ward took it upon herself to visit him each week and make sure he knew he was cared about and loved and that is why he finally came back. It was Ayako.  She is very shy and so if she can do that, anyone can. It was a good story.  Primary was fun.  Sam was so cute and she sat by me.  I haven't seen her for almost four months.  I miss my old Sunbeams.  Bailey taught our lesson.  We only had two little boys and three teachers. Seems a bit extreme.  I chatted with Bonnie and Jenny H after.  I was telling Bonnie about my appt with Dr. Van Boreum. She is the one that referred me to him.  I told her how he wasn't very hopeful and then I said,  "Is he ever wrong"?" and she said, "He is NEVER wrong!" and how he is one of the most respected and thee top ankle doc in Utah and people come from all over to go to him.  I told her, "Well I am determined to get a miracle and so he is going to be wrong this time." LOL  I talked to a lot of other people as well.  People are so nice.  When I tell someone about being told I might not be able to run again, some of them say, "And that's bad news?" haah  It was snowing when we came out!  I was not feeling too well and so I headed upstairs and did some of my PT.  Bryce, Haylie and kids came and I finished up so I could go down and visit.  

When I saw these little shoes sitting by my door, it took me back a bit. I was so grateful that I have someone little enough to fit in those shoes!  I love the littles that I get to enjoy in my life right now.  Makes my heart burst with gratitude.

They were so stinkin' cute.  Brinlee came up and just hugged me so tight. 

Love this girl!

She is so sweet and Liam kept coming over and reaching his arms out for me to pick him up and hold him.  I read some books to them.  They are so fun.  Brinlee wanted me to go in the playroom and so I did and she got in the tent and asked me to go in with her and I felt SO bad I couldn't!  That is the most frustrating thing of all, not being able to play with the littles.  I sat on a baby chair while she got inside.  Then she helped me make McKay's cake. It was fun. 

That smile....

Liam took my phone and took some selfies of himself.  I have no idea how he knew how to do that!  He also recorded a video of himself.  Too funny!

Sky and crew arrived and Carson made me the cutest pictures!  He is really becoming quite the little artist!  We then ate dinner and then my parents and Dave's parents arrived and we had the party for McKay.  It was fun.  

Sarah still in costume from her party that she did as WonderWoman.

 McKay with his grandparents

My dad came over and wanted to know what was going on with my leg.  He was very concerned and very sad when I told him.  When you talk to your parents about the reality of things, that is when you know it's real because you know they care more about you than anyone.  The kids were cute playing together. It was so fun to watch Carson and Brinlee.  It's just so fun to have little ones around.  

This guy has my heart...  The top two are his own selfies!  haha

They built a snowman!

Tired girl...

Once everyone left, I still had to finish my PT. I was up until almost midnight. But I had this little buddy to keep me company.

dear random,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~     
I had to put together a time line of the accident for my appointment to see the ankle specialist so I am adding it here for future reference since my brain isn't much of a reference anymore.  ;)  HF stands for Huntsman Farmington.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TIMELINE:

• Nov. 29, 2018 - Mammogram / Ultrasound / Biopsy (HF)
• Dec. 5,   2018 - Breast cancer diagnosis
• Dec. 12, 2018 - MRI on breast at Mountain West Medical SLC
• Dec. 13, 2018 - Dr. appt with Dr. Poretta (cancer surgeon) (HF)
• Dec. 15, 2018 - Snowmobile accident crushing right leg
• Dec. 17, 2018 - X-rays on leg (showing no break) and blood work
• Dec. 18, 2018 - Breast cancer surgery - Lumpectomy (HF)
• Dec. 19, 2018 - Ultrasound discovering blood clots, DVT's & multiple others
• Dec. 19, 2019 - Began Eliquis drug
• Dec. 27, 2018 - Follow up for surgery with Dr. Poretta (HF)
• Jan. 2,   2019 - X-ray on leg (showing fractured fibula)
• Jan. 2,   2019 - Cast put on leg
• Jan. 14, 2019 - Dr. appt with Dr. Cannon (oncologist) (HF)
• Jan. 15, 2019 - Dr. appt with Dr. Henry (radiation oncologist) (HF)
• Jan. 18, 2019 - Cast removed from leg
• Jan. 22, 2019 - Radiation cast for arms made (Huntsman SLC)
• Jan. 24, 2019-  Dr. appt with Dr. Porettta (HF)
• Jan. 25, 2019 - Begin physical therapy with Dr. Rob Malan (2X per week)
• Jan. 26, 2019 - MRI on ankle and MRI on leg at Mtn. West Medical Ogden
• Jan. 29, 2019 - Radiation simulation (HF)
• Jan. 30-Feb. 26, 2019 - Radiation (19 treatments - 15 full and 4 targeted)
• Feb. 5,  2019  - Dexa bone scan (FH)
• Jan-Feb 2019 - Dr. appt w/ Dr. Cannon each Mon. of radiation therapy (HF)
• Feb. 19, 2019 - Dr. appt with Dr. Henry (HF)
• Feb. 20, 2019 - Began Vit D (50,000 IU)
• Feb. 25, 2019 - Dr. appt with Dr. Cannon (HF)
• Feb. 26, 2019 - Radiation complete! (HF)
• Mar. 13, 2019 - Begin chemo pills (Aromatase - Arimidex)
• Mar. 13, 2019 - Prolea shot
• Mar. 20, 2019 - Dr. appt with Dr. Van Boreum TOSH clinic SLC
• Mar. 26, 2019 - Dr. appt with Dr. Holmstrom TOSH clinic SLC

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dear quotes,

This guy ↓ posts on the Boston Marathon Training page and I have really loved his posts and so I am saving a few.

Tony Garcia

Page 77.

These are some race day essentials.

Acceptance: Newsflash, things are going to happen. Things outside of your control. Things that make it more difficult. Accept it. Have the presence and resolve to find a way beyond it. Do not allow the problem to be where you stop. Be solution-oriented, not problem-focused. Accept, adjust, succeed. A plan far more effective than complain, remain stuck, offer excuses.

Patience: Do not get caught up in the frenzy and flurry of movement of others. You know your rhythm. Keep to it. Do not forget to forgive others. In their hurry, they will make mistakes that may impact you. You are not above this humanness. Breathe through it. Do not escalate out of your own nervousness. There is a quiet place within you. Settle into it.

Fuel: Sustenance for your thoughts, so you do not begin feeding off the negative. It is an easy reach. So often, you begin to consume fuel that is not a good source of energy. Fear, doubt, past failures, old excuses. You gobble those up. Instead, you need to pick those things that will sustain you because they completely fill your tank. “I can”. “I will”. “I am capable”. “I am strong”. Reach for those.

Unwavering belief: Keep your faith. There are things you believe at your very core. Things that you never waver upon. Things larger than yourself. Hold on to those in the most trying and difficult moments. Whatever they are for you. A higher power. The power of prayer. Nothing is impossible. Everything is possible. Your capacity to endure. Magic. Hope.

Gratitude: What if everything that ever happens or happened to you, was simply an opportunity for you to say, “Thank you”. Would that then change how you view challenges, obstacles, and hardships? Would that then change your response to difficult people, difficult moments, and difficult situations? In these moments before you, try it. Express thanks. It may change everything.

Perspective: Above all, keep your lens wide open. Nothing that happens today, good or bad, defines you. You are not an event, a number, a time, a goal, an outcome. When your focal point becomes so narrowed, you lose sight of all the things that ultimately define you. Those things brought you to this place. And, they will remain in tact, long after this passes. Maintain your perspective.

Those are some every day essentials. ~G

#essentials
#💙💛