*Monday Memos*

*MONDAY MEMOS*

   

 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge) 
Weekly recap of my rather crazy, insane, but fun and rewarding life!

dear monday, I actually got out on a walk.  Short one, only 2.5 miles, BUT it felt good!  I went out west so I could be alone and process things a bit. It was what I call a therapeutic walk.  In other words, there were lots of tears.  Sometimes you just need to get it out and feel sad.  I think that is needed at times.  I am a strong person, but I still have moments where I just need to release.  My feelings almost instantly changed though when I saw a little otter pop (not an Otter Pop, but an otter pop.... haha) his head out of the water.  I had been standing there watching the ducks duck (that must be where they got their name) down in fear every time they saw me.  But the otter, was just content and unafraid.  He was just swimming along and then got out on the shore to chill.  Literally.  He looked like he was shivering.  But, just that little bit of nature made my heart feel healed at that moment. I am not sure what it is about nature and how it affects me, but it does.  

I came home and wasn't sure where to begin. My list is long and getting longer though I don't feel the stress and pressure like I do most years, which is odd because I should be feeling it more.  I guess I know some things aren't as important to get done as others. I did get this caught up a bit which felt good and I made some treats (Christmas Crack) for my party tonight.  Dave got home and he helped me with them.  I shared with him how I wasn't feeling well physically and how I wonder if that is just because I now know what is going on and my mind created that or if it is legit?  I felt pretty crappy.  Sigh...  Who knows?  I also found out that two other people who also live right here by us, have been diagnosed with cancer as well.  One with blood and bone and another with colon.  Now my suspicions for the power lines has grown immensely.  I told Dave we should move.  He thinks I am jumping the gun, and maybe I am, but it is a real concern. 

 Sometimes I am envious of this animal.  Not a concern in the world except if he is going to get a treat or not.  Haha

I had to let Scratchers in for a bit to get warm. I feel so bad for him out there freezing to death!  Mr. Cat has it so good.

We went to my temple worker laundry social party tonight at the west stake center.  There were quite a few people there. Santa even made a quick stop. He just waved, but it was fun.  Jodie (with an "ie") and Josh sat at our table.  Gayle was there but she didn't sit by us.  Another couple also sat with us who Dave knew, so that was good.  The food was delicious and then a singing group performed for us.  

I wanted a picture of all of us since we can't really take any in the temple.  It took a while to gather everyone, but we finally did.  I love these people. They make it so much fun and worth it to get up so early. 

Me, Josh, Gayle, Jodie, Jean

When we got home Taylor was here.  He wants to go to the cabin this weekend and so he wants to get the snowmobiles working I guess.  I was so exhausted and so I went to my room and got ready for bed about 9:00.  

dear tuesday, I got in a couple miles today. Chilly!  Brrr.... I worked on Dawn's chocolate nativity and I struggle with getting them out of the mold without breaking.  I had to do it a couple times.  But, they ended up really cute after. 

 Dave was off today.  He was in and out all day.  He went with me to get my picture taken for the paper for winning the Gingerbread House contest.  When we arrived, I got to pick out a bag of flour. The other winners were there as well.  She took our pictures separately.  It was fun.  

And....drum roll please............................................
I got $65!!!  I wasn't expecting that much!  Wow!  So exciting!  

That might make it worth it to do it again next year!  I am already planning what I want to do. I want to do a tropical scene with Tiki huts etc.  But I would like to add snow to it. Not sure you can do that. hehe 

 Troy called me and said he had made a stop at Crumbl for me.  He is the nicest guy ever.  I was expecting one cookie, but as par for Troy he gave me the whole box!!!  Oh my, I love these things!  I think their sugar cookie might have Swigs beat!  Mmm..

Dave and I went to Maddox for a late lunch - early dinner. We also went to the boutique at Alpine Gardens and to the Amish Store to return some candy I didn't use on the GB house.  It was fun hanging out.  

dear wednesday, I went to the temple for my shift and Dave also decided to come. He helped in the baptistery doing confirmations.  Josh arrived at the same time I did for some reason.  It was pretty slow.  That gave us a lot of time to chat.  It was fun.  Josh makes it much more fun for us all.  Jodie is so fun to talk to as well.  I love everyone I work with.  Jean let me go a bit early and it was snowing when I came out.  I ran home to get my boots.  I got away a bit later than hoped and so I cancelled my harp lesson.  I wouldn't have if I had paid but I told her I had to pay by the week this month because I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I had my MRI in Murray at 11:45 and so I did some shopping before. I met Lori Oram at an exit so she could give me something. It ended up being a pink ribbon bracelet charm.  Not sure when I will be ready to wear that.   Maybe after it's all behind me. She is the most thoughtful person.  I stopped at Station Park at Home Goods and found a cake stand for Dawn's chocolate nativity.  The roads were bad in some places.  

I was so nervous about my MRI because I feared they were going to inject me with dye in my breast. Ouch.  I signed the papers stating I allowed them to inject me with dye.  Yikes. When they took me back, I asked the lady about it and she said, yes, they were going to. I said something about how that is going to be painful and she informed me it was an IV. I asked where. LOL  She told me in my arm. Whew!  What a relief!  HUGE RELIEF!  I hate being poked but I'll take a hundred IV's over an injection there!  That biopsy made me gun shy!  No one had kept me abreast (pun intended) about all the different procedures.  The MRI took forever.  I felt it when the dye went in.  I was glad to have that over. I had to wait a while for the disks.  I had some hot herbal tea with cream. Mmm...  It was freezing out.  I was meeting Dawn at Olive Garden for our Christmas lunch.  We had to push it back due to the MRI.  It was fun. She gave me the cutest softest blanket. Perfect! Love it!  I think she liked the chocolate nativity. It's so her.  

We had a good chat. I cancelled my ortho appt. so I could stay longer but I still had to rush sooner than I would have liked so I could get some stuff done for Christmas. My time may be very limited depending on what I find out tomorrow.  I hit Costco, the mall, Shopko, Michaels, Hobby Lobby, and a couple more. I'm getting closer!  I got home about 7 or so.  Dave had meetings. McKay was here studying.  I was beat. I watched an episode of This Is Us and then fell asleep.  Dawn sent me this photo of her chocolate nativity once she had it set up.  I feel bad I didn't get her the crushed sugar, but the powdered sugar looks cute too. 

 Cheryl sent me this of the twins!  They loved my lighthouse!  SO cute!  They are my Sunbeams.

 Cute little Jacob (another one of my Sunbeams) brought me cookies! Yum!

dear thursday, I got in three miles today and I even ran about one of those.  Felt good but I also felt pretty winded. I fear I am losing my fitness.  Sigh...  I went out west where I could be alone and I used the time to say my affirmations as well as pray.  I thanked Heavenly Father in advance for the blessings that I wish for. I also performed another little dance for the cows.  Today, they weren't very impressed or Moo-ved by my Moo-vements.

Mitra also told me she always thanks HF in advance.  We have become such good friends truly through online communication.  The opportunities technology provides that our ancestors didn't have blows me away.  What a blessing!  She amazes me beyond anyone I know.  She might not be able to run Boston this year because she is dealing with serious health issues as well.  I feel so bad for her.   I got up early and did my Cologuard (a colon cancer test that you send in) this morning too.  I should have done it a long time ago but now everything is pushing me to get this stuff done that I should have never put off!  Like a mammogram!  Women....GO GET YOUR MAMMOS!  TODAY!  If you are overdue, don't waste another day!  DO IT!  

My Cologuard samples waiting to go on.

I came home and chatted with McKay. He was here studying for his final tomorrow.  We are planning on going to the cabin this weekend.  I hope that is a good idea. I am not sure what is going to be going on with the surgery yet.  And, I am not done with Christmas yet. I am close, but not done.  As soon as I got up around 5:30 this morning, my phone started to beep with text messages from friends who remembered today was my appointment with the surgeon.  I had at least 16-17 people write and tell me they are thinking of me and praying for me. I was in awe.  I seriously was in awe.  I need to do better when others are in this kind of situation.  But I was also so very grateful that I have so many amazing friends that care about me.  I believe that they are what will get me through this and help me stay strong.  I cleaned both upstairs bathrooms and needed more time, but we Dave got home and we headed to the U of U in Farmington for my appointment with Dr. Porretta.  I was so nervous all day in anticipation of it.  

The nervous couple.

We had to wait awhile for her to come in. I was SO glad Dave was with me.  

She examined me and that was pretty painful.  We discussed the biopsy results and we gave her the MRI report.  She hadn't seen it yet.  She read it and then basically explained everything to me as far as what kind I have and what that all means.  I knew all of it but it was nice to have a doctor explain what it all means.  I have basal duct carcinoma.

• Estrogen positive - 95%
• Progesterone positive - 60%
• Her 2 Negative

That is good news.  The lump is about 2 centimeters.

I really liked her.  I asked her about the wire.  She said she no longer does that.  Whew!  I am greatly relieved I won't have to have the wire inserted in before surgery. Chris told me that is inhumane and I have worried myself sick about that.  Whew!  But, I will have to be injected on the breast right before surgery with a dye (she said it's blue, but Dave told me after that it's really purple) and I will be purple for quite a long time!  What are the odds the dye is purple?!  I am pretty happy about that!  That will make the injection less painful I'm sure!  LOL  She also said that we will have to wait until they get the pathology report back to see what the treatment will be but she alluded that we might be able to just do radiation. Oh my!  My prayers have been answered!  I was SO thrilled to hear that. It's not 100% positive of course, but what a blessing to even have that huge hope!  I felt so happy!  So relieved!  And IMMENSE GRATITUDE to Heavenly Father for answering my deepest desire. The news couldn't have been better.  So grateful!  She did give us the option of waiting for it to shrink by taking medication, but that is not a good option.  We need to get it out!  I am anxious to get it gone.  She will have to take out some lymph nodes and so I will have two different incisions. One for the lump and one for the lymph nodes.  She said that recovery isn't too bad, but I need to take it easy for at least a week to make sure the wall and lining and capsule isn't compromised.  She couldn't have been nicer and I am so grateful she is my doctor.  I almost chose a different one because he could get me in sooner and I know she was also an answer to prayers.  
She scheduled the surgery for this Tuesday!  Wow!   I honestly thought it would be after Christmas or into January. I am so grateful we can do it soon. It will conflict with Christmas but this is priority.  I am anxious to get this thing out of me!  The sooner the better.

I have never felt so many prayers in my life helping me through. I am debating about posting anything on Facebook because I know that is going to blow up.  But, I need the prayers and faith of as many people as I can get.  I believe there is so much power in prayer.  And the more the better.  I have to really think this through.  I could just not and no one would be the wiser other than those who already know.  I left there feeling so relieved of so many concerns!  

We went to the Apple Store to see if I could get in before my appointment but they said no, so we went to eat at the Park Stone. It is the place I won a $25 gift card to in the basket at Halloween time.  It was yummy!  

Then we went back to the Apple Store and waited and waited and waited!  I was getting pretty ancy when the tech came.  He fixed my sound and my camera and then we left it for them to replace my battery.  We headed to Home Goods, Ross, Marshall's, Nordstorm Rack and World Market.  I met a lady there who told me she had a recipe for Honeycomb. I got her phone # and she is going to text it to me.  I got a few things there for Christmas stocking stuffers and then we picked up my phone.  It works so much better.  I spent the entire drive back responding to texts.  Dave kept saying, "Man, you have a lot of friends".  I had several offer to bring in dinner too.  Not sure how to handle that either.  I know I need to be willing to accept help, but it's hard.

When we got home, Bryce, Haylie and her cute kids were here. Brinlee came running up and was so happy and full of energy. She is the cutest little thing ever.  Liam was also so adorable. That smile of his melts my heart!  

I told everyone I was not going to the cabin because I have to pull Christmas together before surgery or it won't happen but they all guilted me into going.  I decided I would go Saturday and Sunday and come home Sunday evening.  I think I will sleep good tonight. Little did I know it would be my last time of sleeping well for a very long time. I should have stayed home.

dear friday, today was a busy day. I know I only have today and Monday to get everything ready for Christmas since after the surgery I won't be too productive.  I tried to get the shopping finished and I am almost there.  I just have to get the boys to finalize what they want.  I also tried to clean and then my parents stopped by.  My mom brought me the cutest snowman tree!  It's adorable!  Now to figure out where to put it.  They stayed and visited for a while.  

McKay, Bryce, and Taylor were all here off and on today as well.  

I returned my temple dress to Great Lengths and Angie was so sweet.  We talked about my recent news.  I ran to Hallmark and got the rest of those on my list that I haven't been able to find anything for.  I had some great coupons and so I bought me the cutest gingerbread house snowman to commemorate my gingerbread contest this year.  I also got the cutest Jim Shore Grinch.  They were 30% off and so cute.  I came home and hurried and wrapped and organized the rest of the stuff.  Sky and crew showed up and asked about our party. I completely forgot!  I hurried and finished one online order I had been waiting on all day and then we took off for the Moyle's party.  It was a lot of fun.  There were six couples there.  The new family (Jone's) were also there. It was fun to get to know them. We ate snacks and then played a hot potato game that shocks you. I did not want that to go off on me! We also played a game where we had to draw name of someone else and then try to get all the women in the chairs or vice-versa.  Then we played a game I heard about online called the Bowl Game.  It was a lot of fun.  We got laughing so hard.  Troy and Janzen were hysterical.  We didn't get home until after 11 and we are supposed to leave for the cabin at 6 a.m.  Hmm.... I haven't had a spare minute to even pack a single thing.  Neither has Dave. I'm sure we won't be getting out of here at 6.  Oh well....

dear saturday, I shouldn't have set my alarm so early because we didn't get out at 6...or 7....but closer to 8. Sigh.  Oh well. 

 Taylor making breakfast for the gang and chillin' with Carson.

Dave and I drove up alone and Taylor and CJ, went with Sky and Sarah and Carson in the Escalade. Bryce and Haylie are coming up later.  It gave me a bit of time to start on the poem.  Yeah, pretty late this year. Oh well.  If it gets done at all it will be a miracle!  We didn't stop anywhere just headed there.  They had to shovel out a path and the driveway by hand (snowblower was broken) and so I stayed in the car for a while because I knew the cabin would be freezing inside.  Carson came and joined me for a bit in the car. He is a cutie.  

We got all loaded inside and I sat by the fire with Sarah for a long time trying to warm up.  It took about three hours before the cabin was warm.  Brrrr....  

Dave, me and Carson ran to the store to get some groceries. Bryce and Haylie and her kiddos arrived about 2. Those kids are adorable.  Brinlee is so funny and sweet and Liam is gorgeous.  They are well behaved as well because Haylie keeps good tabs on them.  We had fun playing for a bit.  Carson was a wee bit jealous, it is kind of funny.  lol The guys went and rented some snowmobiles.  I really wasn't interested in going at all but since we were going home Sunday and they were staying Monday, they talked me into it.  I wish I could go back and change all of that. I wish I had just stayed back at the cabin.  It's amazing the impact one small decision can have on your life.  

But....I headed out with Dave and Carson. Dave drove the first part and then let me drive.  

Oh, how I wish I had turned that thing around right then. 

After quite a while, I told him I wanted to turn back and so he told me where to go to turn.  It was about a 2 foot lip of snow that I had to go over. He said to let him off first, but I figured we would be okay.  So, I drove over the lip but these kind of snowmobiles are totally different than ones I am used to and it just started to tip and next thing I know it is flipping over!  I hate to even write this because it forces me to relive the whole experience but my boot got stuck on the pad and as it flipped my leg twisted all up the opposite way my boot and foot were facing and the entire snowmobile landed on my leg hard!  The pain was EXCRUCIATING!  I have never felt such excruciating pain in my life!  I was in a panic and wanted it to stop.  I was screaming but had my helmet on and so I am not sure if anyone could hear me.  I couldn't see and even though I was in torturous pain, I kept wondering and was very concerned if Carson was okay.  That made it all worse because I had no idea!  It was a nightmare!!!  It hurt SO bad!  I just wanted my leg free!  I kept screaming and crying and yelling for help. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I think I was under there for a good five minutes at least!  Maybe more! Then suddenly I felt relief!  Ahhh..... thank you!!!!  But then just as quickly, it was back!  The sled dropped back down on me!!  Dave thought I had moved my leg away once it was off, but I was paralyzed and couldn't move it.  More screaming for help and more pain and panic.  Oh, I wanted to die!  After what seemed like an eternity (or longer!), Dave was finally able to get it off me!  I couldn't move it.  I was POSITIVE it was broke.  Then I had to help him turn the machine back over so we could drive back.  I couldn't even use my leg and so I had to balance very carefully while I tried to push as hard as I could to get it to turn back over.  Oh ,the pain!  I am sure I was in shock at this point. I have never been in such excruciating pain like that for that long in my life.  Carson was fine and helped us as well.  I was SO VERY grateful he was okay!  SO grateful!  I was also so grateful Dave's leg wasn't also pinned under or he would've never got it off me. I am sure I would have passed out from the pain.  We got back on the sleds and another snowmobile drove by and asked if we were okay. I had tears streaming down my face.  It hurt so bad.  I was dreading the bumpy ride back because every bump caused more pain.  I just let it all out.  I had a melt down because I felt so overwhelmed with everything that is happening to me and I JUST. COULD. NOT. BELIEVE. THIS!  I kept saying, "WHY? WHY? WHY NOW?"  I felt like I was being beaten up by heaven.  I could just picture me with a cast going into surgery in three days.  It was all just too much for me.  I am not one that falls apart very easily, at all, if ever, but this was almost more than I could bear.  The pain didn't help.  It was so painful.  I just knew it really damaged my leg. The interesting thing is, I never once thought about how it would affect my running.  Only about the surgery.  As Dave drove over another one of those lip things, I think I experienced PTSD!  Holy cow, that freaked me out.  Oh man, I could NOT go through that again.  That was scary.  The ride back was pretty horrible and I was so relieved to get off that thing.  They had to basically carry me inside and up the stairs.  I couldn't put any weight on it.  Great. Just great.  My leg was purple and swollen.  My ankle was huge but the most pain was in my fibula.  I was convinced it was broken.   

So, the rest of my trip was basically me hopping around to do stuff and just sitting.  But just sitting made the blood pool into it and so I had to get up and hop around.  After some Advil, I was able to put a little bit of weight on it and I could limp around some.  Wow.  I wish so bad I had turned around earlier or just had not gone.  No matter what, in these situations, you always do the what ifs?  But, I realized it would do no good and so I needed to just move on and face reality.  I am not one that can just sit and so I had to get up and help with dinner.  I probably should have just elevated it, but it hurt to do that.  I felt better moving around some.  We had spaghetti for dinner.  Bryce and Haylie left to go visit her dad who lives in Afton. The rest played Monopoly.  I just sat in the recliner and watched. Fun.  Sleeping was a little difficult with the leg.  But I managed.  

These silly kiddos cheered me up!

dear sunday, my leg was much worse this morning. I could barely put any weight on it.  It was purple again and very swollen.  Plus if anyone even barely touched it, it sent me through the roof. Dave, Taylor, CJ, McKay and Chayden all went to church.  No way I could.  When they got home everyone kind of just chilled and hung out.  I had on It's a Wonderful Life.  Bryce and Haylie took her kids to go sledding with her dad and sister.  We had a big breakfast before they left.  

 Love this picture!

I couldn't do much but hop around and chill. I wanted to make the gingerbread cookies with Brinlee and Carson but she wasn't there when we could and I couldn't stand on my leg for more than a few minutes at a time before it started to throb with pain (and blood).  But, it was a fun and relaxing day.  We played Phase 10 for about two hours. I won!  Yay!  Then we played Boogle.  Taylor won. I came in 2nd.  Dave has never beat me yet in that game.  But Taylor is amazing.  

 Oh my gosh, he is so cute!

 McKay is a fun Uncle!  Brinlee always says, "My uncles are here."  So cute!

 Bryce and kiddos

Sky and Sarah

Sky, Sarah and boys came home with us, but the rest stayed.  Dave rented them snowmobiles for tomorrow.  I pray they will be safe!  We packed and cleaned and then headed out about 6:30.  Not my idea of fun driving in the dark, but we made it home safely.  Poor little Carson has a bad cold.  They spent the night at our house.  I had a hard time getting up the stairs.  So, Sky and Dave carried me.  They carried me in the house as well.  I am pretty sure I will be wearing a cast by tomorrow at this time. I figured out what I will be able to wear before I went to bed.

dear positives, looks like I forgot to do this last week. 

• I am enjoying Christmas more this year because the pressure is off to get it all done.
• I love the people I work with at the temple.
• I got to walk outside since it wasn't too freezing.
• I won $65 for my gingerbread house!!!  Not expecting that!
• The injection for the MRI went in an IV in my arm!  Whew!
• I don't have to have a wire inserted before the surgery!  Major relief!  
• My appt with the doctor went well and I really like her. A lot.  
• She is very hopeful no chemo!  HUGE RELIEF!  Still praying!  But hopeful!
• I am able to have surgery so soon! 
• Got my phone battery and hearing fixed! 
• Got to go out to eat at a real restaurant with Dave.
• I have so many amazing supportive friends.
• I got most of my list done at Hallmark with some really good coupons! 
• Had a fun time with friends at a party.
• Got to know Haylie and kids better at the cabin.
• Had some good quality family time that was totally unexpected.
• I'm not still laying in pain under that snowmobile!

Jodi,  This morning I listened to Martin Luther King Jr’s last speech — “I’ve Been To The Mountaintop” What an inspired speech. In it he shared how grateful he was to have lived when he did… … to have seen the things he had seen. … and to have been a part of this great movement. Then he says these incredibly inspired words: “I’ve been to the mountain top… I would like to live a long life; longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land.” The next day he was assassinated. What impressed me the most was this feeling of peace that I got from hearing his voice. And knowing that this was all part of God’s plan. Did he know this would be his last speech? Did he have premonitions? He shared earlier in the speech about a time years before when he had been stabbed by a woman. …and how grateful he was for all the things he was permitted to see because his life was prolonged. Wow. I could not imagine a more fitting farewell tribute speech than the one he gave. I love seeing inspiration. I love watching clearly the hand of God in our lives. I’m grateful for the contribution Martin Luther King, Jr. was able to have on society. So grateful he heard the call and had the courage to stand up live his purpose. I hope each of us live out our days fulfilling our purpose… our callings in life. I hope in whatever you do that you will take time to go to the Mountaintop. That you will take time to reflect and discover who you truly are. Then, may you have the courage, power, and faith to become everything you’re meant to be. Now let me share with you the links for last week’s shows. Episode 67 How To Overcome Depression As A Christian Episode 68 How thoughts affect our reality Episode 69 How to create a vision board law of attraction Episode 70 True Forgiveness Is When You Can Say Episode 71 Steps To Forgiveness Episode 72 How To Connect With People Episode 73 5 Steps To Finding Your Purpose By the way, if you want to see how powerful you are, check out Episode #68 which shows you how to do Dr. Emoto’s rice experiment. In just a couple of weeks you’ll see for yourself how powerful your thoughts are at influencing the world around you. Have a wonderful week,

Founder, nCOURAGE.LIFE