Happy in the Hard

*I published on a post a few weeks ago another article I wrote titled "Expect Miracles".  This is a different version of that, but with some repeats.  This one will be published on the American Mother's state website.

Happy in the Hard

Last year my longtime dream of running the Boston Marathon came to fruition for the second time. I was on cloud nine with great hopes of running it yet again in the future. Then, without warning, things took a sharp turn. Adversity seemed to strike in the blink of an eye without notifying me or alerting me it was on its way.

One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Martha Washington, who said, “I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances.”

I always thought I believed that, but then life happened.

I’ve always tried to maintain a high level of fitness and health, but I learned firsthand that life is fragile and no matter how much we take care of ourselves, our bodies can still sell us out and surprise us with things we never anticipated.

Beginning in the late November last year, I was told I had a herniated disk. While I was trying to process that in my mind and how it would affect me as a runner I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That news came out of nowhere. Then two weeks before Christmas a fun family outing resulted in a snowmobile crushing my right leg from the knee to my ankle, breaking my fibula and tearing all my ligaments. At the time I did not fully realize the extent of the damage or how long the recovery would be. Showing up three days later for my cancer surgery in a wheelchair was not part of my plan. The surgery went as well as could be expected, but the following day I was diagnosed with blood clots in my leg. You could say I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but also very grateful the clots were discovered (thanks to my physician husband) which literally saved my life. Still, I was unable to walk or put any weight on my leg and so I was basically laid up for several months. Not wanting to be left out of the party I was having, my mom was rushed to the hospital with chest pain and ended up having a quadruple bypass on Christmas Eve. Due to my current situation, I regretfully was unable to be there. How grateful I was that her 99% blockage hadn’t resulted in any permanent damage.

With my mom’s trauma under control my focus centered on treating my breast cancer.  Having had friends go through chemotherapy and radiation, I had an unsettling fear and worry about the whole process.  Although my surgeon was fairly certain I would need chemotherapy, I was grateful when my oncotype score revealed I would only need five weeks of radiation. During this time I was also diagnosed with severe osteoporosis, but my oncologist still insisted I be on hormone therapy pills for the next 10 years. Despite all that, the relief of not being subjected to chemotherapy was perhaps the best Christmas present I have ever received.

My activity came to a complete stop as I convalesced for the next several months. This was foreign to me. I had to use a walker for the very little activity I could do, like getting in the shower or going to doctor appointments and radiation treatments at the Huntsman. Just putting on a single sock in the morning took a good five minutes or more. It was rather comical. I began to see how much I took for granted in my pre-injured life and was filled with deep gratitude for all the things I could still do. 

It wasn’t all bad however. Being forced to slow down in my daily life was actually kind of sweet. I just pretended that I was in a luxurious spa every day where people brought me three meals a day and took care of all my previous obligations, while I sat around watching old movies and catching up on my reading. Truth be told, I actually did very little reading because it took too much brain power. My brain was working overtime trying to heal a very long list of ailments and there was little energy left in it for much else. Kind of how motherhood makes you feel at times!  However, it was a nice respite from the fast paced life I was used to and not having a to-do list other than healing was freeing.

Despite the slower pace, this was a very challenging and frustrating time for me, but I knew I had a choice in how I responded. Early on I decided that I was going to focus on three things as I tried to patiently endure. I was going to approach this time with positivity, gratitude and humor. It wasn’t always easy, but making that decision going into it really helped me pull through some rough patches and made it possible to find happiness in the hard.

In March I received news that my talus (ankle) bone had died due to a lack of blood flow. The specialist called it avascular necrosis (AVN). He told me that due to the injury I would no longer be able to run. I was devastated. Those who know me know that is even worse than asking me to give up chocolate!  Running is one of my greatest blessings.  It is my therapy. Despite this news, I was filled with deep gratitude that I would at least walk normally again. However, the stubbornness in me chose to focus on the hope that I would run eventually.

In June I decided to see another specialist to get a second opinion and a new MRI. Thankfully, after much prayer and fasting, this doctor told me that my ankle was alive and there were no signs of AVN. I was gratefully stunned at the miracle I had received. As I write this, things are starting to get back to normal, and even though running is still in the far distant future, I am filled with gratitude that it is now a possibility.

Circumstances in life are not always ideal.  In fact, most of the time they aren’t. So, how can we still be happy when life gets hard?

We all have challenges in our lives and we will have more in the future. That is a given. Most of them we can’t change or control. We can only control how we choose to react to them. One thing we know for certain is that we all only have a limited number of days here on earth. Each day we can either choose to focus on what we don’t have or focus on all we do have and be grateful for it. If we put our focus on gratitude and being positive, we can learn to laugh through our toughest challenges and we will feel the joy. 

In my home I have a sign with a quote by Gordon Hinckley. It says, “In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”  That is pure wisdom right there, but ofttimes, we think we are only going to find joy once our trials and hardships are removed, when the truth is joy can be found  right in the midst of our adversity. Happiness is in the journey.  Cherish the moments.

Time is so precious. Life is a gift. It is truly a miracle. It is ours for the embracing. Embrace it. Enjoy it. And while doing so reach for and find that joy despite what your circumstances may currently be. The choice is yours.

“Joy is a mystery because it can happen anywhere, anytime, even under the most unpromising circumstances, even in the midst of suffering, with tears in its eyes....”

― Frederick Buechner

*Expect Miracles*

Expect Miracles

One of my favorite cartoons growing up was The Jetsons.  I remember sitting on the floor in front of the TV on Saturday mornings watching their robot maid Rosie take care of the entire house while the mother, Jane, used her automated appliances with ease.  Then when my mother would call me to do my chores (vacuuming was my least favored), I would think how amazing it would be to have a programmed robot do all the work for me. I certainly didn’t think a cleaning robot would ever actually be a possibility in my lifetime.

I must say one of the greatest blessings of living in this day and age is my Robot Vacuum.  I love how this technology has blessed my life. The first time she (we named her Rinda) cleaned my floors, I felt like I was living the dream just like Jane Jetson. It was so liberating to let a little machine take over an endless chore of mine, freeing up a good chunk of my time. Truly, a miracle of an invention to me!

Miracles are everywhere if we have eyes to see.  Being a mother trumps all other miracles as we marvel at the development of a child inside the womb.  Could there really be anything more miraculous? 

Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

I have experienced so many miracles.  And we all do everyday.  Isn’t it miraculous that you woke up this morning?  And that the sun came up and none of us had to do anything to make that happen!  You are breathing right now and you don’t have to make that happen.  And what about your heartbeat?  It just keeps beating away and you don’t even have to think about it. Just that fact that we are alive is a miracle. Life is fragile and can honestly be taken from us in a split-second without any warning or preparation.

When we can feel gratitude and joy for the simple things we usually take for granted, then no matter what is happening in our life at the moment, we truly start to see the miracles that are everywhere around us every day. 

The past seven months I have witnessed and received many miracles due to several challenges that seemed to hit all at once in my life. In November I found out I had a herniated disk in my back that would limit my activity.  Two weeks later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Two weeks after that, a snowmobile crushed my right leg from the knee to my ankle, breaking my fibula, tearing and spraining ligaments, and doing a lot of damage to my leg.  Three days after that, I had surgery for the cancer and the day after that I was diagnosed with several deep vein blood clots in my leg.  I was unable to walk or put any weight on my leg and so was basically laid up.  A week later on Christmas Eve, my mother had quadruple bypass open heart surgery and I was unable to be there. I looked up to the heavens to see if there was a bow and arrow pointing down and I was the target.

During all this time, I was waiting to hear if my cancer treatment was going to require chemotherapy.  I prayed with great fervency that I would be able to avoid it but all signs pointed to it being necessary.  When I got the computer model oncotype score back from my happily surprised oncologist telling me I would only need radiation followed by hormone suppression therapy, I knew I had just received a great miracle!  There are no words to describe the profound gratitude I felt.

My activity came to a complete stop as I convalesced for the next several months.  I had to use a walker for the very little activity I did do, like getting in the shower or going to doctor appointments and radiation treatments at the Huntsman. Just putting on a single sock in the morning took a good five minutes or more.  I began to see how much I took for granted in my pre-injured life and was filled with deep gratitude for all the things I could still do. 

It wasn’t all bad however. Being forced to slow down (or stop altogether) my daily life, was actually kind of sweet.  I just pretended that I was in a luxurious spa everyday where people brought me three meals a day and took care of all my previous obligations while I sat around watching old movies and catching up on my reading.  Truth be told, I actually did very little reading because it took too much brain power. My brain was working overtime trying to heal a very long list of ailments and there was little energy left in it for much else. Kind of how motherhood makes you feel at times!   However, it was a nice respite from the fast paced life I was used to and not having a to-do list other than healing was freeing.  I had time to just enjoy my visitors and my family.  I wasn’t constantly running from one thing to another. I had “time” to just enjoy this wonderful miracle of life. I also got a taste of what it must be like to be a pampered princess. Bless my poor husband and loving sons who turned into my man servants. 

Despite the slower pace, this was a very challenging and frustrating time for me, but, I knew I had a choice in how I responded. Early on I decided that I was going to focus on three things as I tried to patiently endure. I was going to approach this time with positivity, gratitude and humor. It wasn’t always easy, but making that decision going into it really helped me pull through some rough patches. I watched a lot of I Love Lucy and Carol Burnett reruns. They say laughing is the best medicine and if anyone can make you laugh it is Lucy and Carol!  

I began physical therapy in January for my knee and ankle and in March I went to an ankle specialist who told me that my talus bone was dying due to a lack of blood flow from avascular necrosis (AVN). He told me that due to the injury I would no longer be able to run. I was devastated. Those who know me know that is even worse than asking me to give up chocolate!  Running is one of my greatest blessings.  It is my therapy.  It is my livelihood. 

In June I saw another specialist to get a second opinion and get a new MRI. Much prayer, fasting, and blessings went into preparation for that appointment as I prayed intensely for another miracle.  I had been blessed with many people praying and fasting for me and I felt like I had enough faith for another miracle (at least as much as a mustard seed), but I wasn’t sure if I would be granted another one.  Yes, I know that God can do anything, I have a firm testimony of that, but there are limits aren’t there?

After reading my fresh and current MRI, this doctor told me that my ankle was alive and there were no signs of AVN.  I was stunned. Yes, I received another miracle!  I cannot deny the power of a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed me with miracle after miracle!

I don’t know why sometimes we are given the miracle and other times we are only given the strength to endure the challenge.  But I do know life is full of joy and love and no matter our circumstances just being alive is a miracle in itself.

We all have challenges in our lives and we will have more in the future. That is a given. Most of them we can’t change or control.  We can only control how we choose to react to them. One thing we know for sure is that we all only have a limited number of days here on earth. So each day we can either choose to focus on what we don’t have or focus on all we have to be grateful for.

Time is so precious.  Life is a gift.  It is a miracle. It is ours for the embracing as long as our arms aren’t already too full with our to-do lists. Embrace it. And while embracing it, expect miracles!

*Monday Memos*

 *MONDAY MEMOS*

   

 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge) 
Weekly recap of my rather crazy, insane, but fun and rewarding life!

dear monday, it was SO stinkin' cold today!  20 degrees!  Brrrrr....  I didn't want to go out in it, but I forced myself.  It wasn't bad once I got moving.  And I did wait until it was a bit warmer.  

I practiced the harp quite a bit today.  I am really loving my new song (medley) I Know That My Redeemer Lives.  It is so pretty. I spent a couple hours practicing today (that and my lesson).  Dave got off pretty early.  We had to go to a viewing for one of his patient's.  We didn't have to wait too long. I talked to Stacy J. about Boston.  Her and her hub were in line and they watched a movie called Boston Strong that was about it.  They told me I need to get VidAngel so I can watch it.  

We saw a million turkeys crossing the road on our way to the viewing. Crazy!
It was chilly!  I came home and had to go snuggle in my heated blanket.  I started watching the movie Stepmom.  It was a tear jerker.  Dave came up and we watched part of Oblivion.  We rarely do that, so it was kinda fun.

dear tuesday, it was another cold morning.  I had a hard time getting out of bed and stepping into the cold, cruel world.  I got in a good five mile (mostly) run. 

Taylor was here all day to fix the four wheeler and test it out.  I didn't see much of him.  I spent a good portion of my day cleaning my bathroom, laundry room, pantry, and doing all of Dave's and the boy's shirts that have been in the laundry room waiting for me to iron them. I guess that's why they have been in there. No one else seemed to want to do it. LOL   Carson Face-timed me and that was fun.  For some reason he wasn't in my screenshots.  :(  I'm digging those cat eye glasses. Must get me a pair.

The microwave man showed up as well as the vacuum man and both were basically unnecessary stops because the microwave started working on it's own a few days ago and the vacuum problem was a simple fix.  I felt bad he came all the way here.  I didn't practice the harp until later after Dave had gone to his meetings.  I had a hair appointment as well.  She cut off way too much.  But it was getting so dry, so I am actually hoping it will help.

dear wednesday, I did my temple shift.  Jean let me choose another temple dress to wear that the Logan temple gave them.  It's brand new and was the perfect size...miraculously.  I was happy!  I headed to my harp lesson.  It went well.  I then went to Layton to Deseret Book and returned another dress I had bought for the temple that I don't need.  I went to O town and ran a few errands and then rushed home because Dave said McKay was here, but there was no boys when I arrived.  So I cleaned.  Dave and I went to our ward Halloween party.  

He made Pasta Fagioli soup. I was asked to be a judge for the chili/soup cook off.  It was fun!  

Tough job, but some witch has to do it!

Mike Collins and Troy were also judges.  I dragged Audrey and Carol in the spook alley. It's tradition!  I used to drag Mona!  Haha  We had fun.  

Then Kiel took me and Jen through.  They do a pretty good job.   Dave had meetings after.  :/  

dear thursday, I got up early and practiced.  I usually practice for at least an hour but if I get up early enough I go for 90 minutes.  I made a video for Mickey's birthday.  Dave wouldn't be in it with me because I wanted us to wear mustaches and I was going to use a whoopee cushion because she's loved them since she was three.  So, I had Mr. Cat be in it with me instead.  Haha  

I headed out on my run and got in 6.5 miles. Almost all running!  Yay!  I paid for it later, but it felt so good!  

You never know what kind of spooks you'll run into in the fall!  LOL

These were even spookier!!!

I made pumpkin cookies for Dave's parents.  We made them soup and rolls as well.  I took it to them.  I came home and when Dave got home we headed to the Dinosaur Park to meet Sky, Sarah and Carson.  

We had some hot cocoa as soon as we arrived.  I was happy it wasn't too cold!  Last week it was freezing!  Yay!  So glad! Carson was Spiderman.  

We all took him Trick or Treating through the park and then he played carnival games.  

There was a fun scary little tiny spook alley that him and I went in.  He was laughing his head off when I screamed very loud when Sarah was hiding and jumped out and scared us.  It was so cute seeing him giggle so hard.  You can see Sarah hiding in the back ↓ ready to scare us!  

We played on the playground for a bit and then went inside and saw the rock display.  They had the most gorgeous amethyst!  WOW!!  Gorgeous. It was a fun night!  

dear friday, I got up and practiced the harp.  Taylor had come late last night.  He headed out to help Barry and then to go rock climbing in Provo.  I worry when the boys do that.  I got in some fun today on my run because today was the SHEEP RUN!  I look forward to it every year!  I just love it!  I got some good videos!  I watched them in three different places.  So fun!  EWE know you're a little crazy when a bunch of sheep excite you!  But, it brings me SHEAR enjoyment!  That was baaaaaaaa-d!  :)

I seriously go baaaa-listic over this!  I just love it!  

 I followed them around to three spots.

 The aftermath!  ↓  Those wheels are green and brown!  Ew!  I mean 'EWE'!

I came home and McKay was here studying.  He is diligent!  I caught up on this a bit. Dave and I miraculously got tickets to A Toast to Bread concert/dinner tonight.  It sold out but luckily we had connections and the lead singer's mil (cute Carolyn) was able to get us some.  They added another concert for tomorrow night, but we have the family Halloween party so couldn't go. The lead singer - Jeff Clark - was in Dave's ward growing up (and ours when we were newly married) and he truly sounds just like David Gates! It's crazy!  It was SO good!  I was blown away by how much they sounded just like Bread.  Such talent!  Their website is HERE if you want to listen to a short video of them.  Scroll down to VIDEO.

We had a fun table.  One of the ladies at it got up and danced almost alone to the second to last song.  A guy finally got up and joined her and then another girl. Kinda funny.  I saw lots of friends there....Karen Cox, Linda Baugh, the Reeders, the Bomans, and lots more. The food was good and catered by Maple Springs.  Everything was very well done. Dave loved it.  We wish they would do more of that kind of thing here.  

dear saturday, I got a text from Sky this morning asking me what I was doing. I told him I was going to the bathroom.  Haha  Well, he asked. He happened to be in Perry running a solar booth at a 5K race fundraiser for a lady with cancer called the "Fundraiser 4 Kassie Reese FunRun/Walk". He also had Carson with him. I told him I would come get him, but then asked him if it was too late to sign up for the race.  He told me it started at 9 a.m. and so I had 30 minutes to get ready and drive to Perry and register.  I knew I wouldn't get out on a run if I didn't do it even though I also knew it probably wasn't the best idea to race, but how much harm can a 5K do?  I made it in time.  The park was full of things people donated and things to buy.  Carson was so cute.  He was as excited to see me as I was him.  

I told him to cheer me on when I crossed the finish line.  Guessing there were about 40 or so in the race.  There were no bibs.  They had shirts but I didn't buy one.  It only cost me $10.  And it was for a good cause.  The gun went off and I started in third place overall and ended in third place overall!  Only two guys were ahead of me the entire course and so....drumroll please... 

I took first overall woman!  

Woot!  I was pretty excited mostly with my time...25:57.  Not my fastest 5K by any means, but after not really running and doing zero speedwork, I was pretty happy.  

Sadly, no awards.  But, the best award was the confidence boost it gave me. I needed that.  Carson wasn't at the finish line, instead he was on the playground. LOL  I felt okay after.  But I did pay for it later in the day.  But I'm still very glad I did it.  I think that was the most spur of the moment race I have entered.  haha  I hung out with Carson while he played and he got a spider painted on his hand.  We bought some treats and I got some cute Halloween stuff.  It was all going for a good cause so I didn't even feel guilty!  hah  

 He was proud of that spider. Sky is in the top two pix ↓ selling at his booth.  Carson is playing with Jeremy's kids.

We went to Kent's to get some dry ice so he could make potions.  They had lots of free samples.  I got some donuts as well and took them to Dave's parent's house where a big group was re-doing the sprinklers.  Linda and Tanae were also doing yard work and I felt bad I wasn't but I am trying to be super careful with any manual labor right now with my back.  

We made a stop at the cemetery because Carson wanted to leave a pine cone he decorated for Tyson.  

We came home and Carson made potions and I made a scary face cheese ball. 

 The many faces of this silly kid...

We played for a while and I ended up in the shower pretty late.  Taylor showed up and we all got ready for Karen's Halloween party.  Taylor AND Carson were Spiderman.  SO cute!  I got some cute photos.

This was hilarious!  On the way there, Carson was giving Taylor tips on how to make webs with his fingers.  From one Spidey to another. 

We got to the party and Dave and I managed to get his suds on (balloons).  

Sky and Sarah were at a concert. McKay had to work.  But Bryce and Hailey and her kids showed up!  They looked so cute!  

We got some photos and then ate.  Everyone just kind of hung out.  

 A few out-takes

After several left, we played Taboo with those still there.  The guys killed the girls, which is unusal.  It was hilarious.  Aubrey got a little flustered, but it was cute.  

We brought Carson home with us and he fell asleep on the way home.  

dear sunday, I woke up way too early.  Ugh.  Carson slept until 8:30.  We chatted in my bed and then headed down and I made homemade buttermilk pancakes and syrup.  They turned out DELISH!  Pancakes are one of my most favorite foods in the entire world.  I really like them. 

I need to keep buttermilk on hand so I can make them more. So yummy.  I usually just add vinegar to milk, but apparently it doesn't work in these.  I also heard there is such a thing as dehydrated buttermilk. I must get some.

  

• MELT IN YOUR MOUTH BUTTERMILK PANCAKES

  • PANCAKES
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 2 cups of sifted flour
  • 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 2 eggs, slightly whisked
  • 2 cups of buttermilk
  • 2 tablespoons butter, unsalted and melted

1. Preheat a griddle to medium heat.
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the salt, baking powder, baking soda, flour and sugar. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs and buttermilk. Drizzle in the butter as you continue to whisk.
3. Switch to a wooden spoon and make a well in the middle of the dry ingredients. Pour in the wet ingredients and stir until almost completely combined. Please remember, the more you stir pancakes the more flat and tough they will be so please mix until a few streaks of flour are remaining.
4. Butter the griddle and scoop ⅓ cup of batter and cook until bubbles begin to form, flip and cook until golden. Serve immediately.

• Buttermilk Syrup
• ½ cup unsalted butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 tablespoon Light Karo syrup
• ½ teaspoon baking soda
• 
  
• 1. In a large pot or saucepan over medium heat add the butter, sugar, buttermilk, vanilla and Karo syrup.
  2. Heat until everything is well combined and bring to a boil.
  3. Quickly remove the pot from the heat and add the baking soda, place back over the heat, stirring constantly. The syrup will grow large and threaten to boil over which is why a large pot is essential. If it gets too close to the edge remove from the burner and continue stirring to bring it down. Stir for 30 seconds over the heat (I often just take mine off so I don’t risk boiling over) and serve immediately.

McKay, Taylor, Bryce, Carson were all home.  We headed to Kaysville for Weston and Mary's baby Willow's blessing.  Taylor was with us as well as Carson. Sky and Sarah came as well but we didn't end up sitting with them.  As I was walking out, this older guy stopped me and said, "I am your friend Lori Oram's cousin".  He knew all kinds of stuff about me.  He talked to me about running Boston and about how we go out to lunch a lot together etc.  I had no idea who he was and then as I was leaving I said, "Tell me your name so I can tell Lori I met you."  He said, "Kurt Oram".  I said, "KURT! Oh my gosh!"  We were good friends in college.  We hung out a lot.  I had no idea it was him and I felt so dumb I didn't.  Once I knew who it was, I recognized him.  That happens a lot with me!  But it was fun.  He asked if I was still twirling batons.  Haha  I wish I had thought to ask him how Dean was doing.  Kinda crazy!  His wife runs marathons and I talked to her as well.  I went in foyer and Sarah asked if she could hold Willow and then after she did she asked if I wanted to.  Of course!  

She is adorable.  We ended up chatting for a while and then Mary and Weston decided to go to Karen's for a bit and so I took the gift over there.  There was a big group.  It was fun. She served stew and rolls.  Everyone brought treats. It was such a nice warm day that we ate outside.  I got to hold Willow again.  I tried to give her to Karen so she got a chance but everyone else kept taking her.  haha  

Cute cousins

I played on Mickey's harp for a bit. Dave told me to play something but I had a hard time seeing without my glasses and so he went and got them but that didn't help much. I needed my music books. LOL  Mickey played Canon in D and it was beautiful. I am still kicking myself I didn't start taking years ago so I would be so much better now.  Dave says I am very good but compared to Mickey, not.  But, I need to only compare myself with myself and from where I was last year or two years ago when I started, I'm pretty darn good.  LOL  I guess it's all relative. 


dear random, 

 Stole from Snapchat.  Love that cute face.

Someone in our stake gave this to Dave.  It's dated 1998.  20 years ago!  I was obviously speaking at one of our wards.  Oh man.