HAPPY in the HARD (aka Choose Joy!) American Mother's Website article

Happy in the Hard

Last year my longtime dream of running the Boston Marathon came to fruition for the second time. I was on cloud nine with great hopes of running it yet again in the future. Then, without warning, things took a sharp turn. Adversity seemed to strike in the blink of an eye without notifying me or alerting me it was on its way.

One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Martha Washington, who said, “I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances.”

I always thought I believed that, but then life happened.

I’ve always tried to maintain a high level of fitness and health, but I learned firsthand that life is fragile and no matter how much we take care of ourselves, our bodies can still sell us out and surprise us with things we never anticipated.

Beginning in the late November last year, I was told I had a herniated disk. While I was trying to process that in my mind and how it would affect me as a runner I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That news came out of nowhere. Then two weeks before Christmas a fun family outing resulted in a snowmobile crushing my right leg from the knee to my ankle, breaking my fibula and tearing all my ligaments. At the time I did not fully realize the extent of the damage or how long the recovery would be. Showing up three days later for my cancer surgery in a wheelchair was not part of my plan. The surgery went as well as could be expected, but the following day I was diagnosed with blood clots in my leg. You could say I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but also very grateful the clots were discovered (thanks to my physician husband) which literally saved my life. Still, I was unable to walk or put any weight on my leg and so I was basically laid up for several months. Not wanting to be left out of the party I was having, my mom was rushed to the hospital with chest pain and ended up having a quadruple bypass on Christmas Eve. Due to my current situation, I regretfully was unable to be there. How grateful I was that her 99% blockage hadn’t resulted in any permanent damage.

With my mom’s trauma under control my focus centered on treating my breast cancer.  Having had friends go through chemotherapy and radiation, I had an unsettling fear and worry about the whole process.  Although my surgeon was fairly certain I would need chemotherapy, I was grateful when my oncotype score revealed I would only need five weeks of radiation. During this time I was also diagnosed with severe osteoporosis, but my oncologist still insisted I be on hormone therapy pills for the next 10 years. Despite all that, the relief of not being subjected to chemotherapy was perhaps the best Christmas present I have ever received.

My activity came to a complete stop as I convalesced for the next several months. This was foreign to me. I had to use a walker for the very little activity I could do, like getting in the shower or going to doctor appointments and radiation treatments at the Huntsman. Just putting on a single sock in the morning took a good five minutes or more. It was rather comical. I began to see how much I took for granted in my pre-injured life and was filled with deep gratitude for all the things I could still do. 

It wasn’t all bad however. Being forced to slow down in my daily life was actually kind of sweet. I just pretended that I was in a luxurious spa every day where people brought me three meals a day and took care of all my previous obligations, while I sat around watching old movies and catching up on my reading. Truth be told, I actually did very little reading because it took too much brain power. My brain was working overtime trying to heal a very long list of ailments and there was little energy left in it for much else. Kind of how motherhood makes you feel at times!  However, it was a nice respite from the fast paced life I was used to and not having a to-do list other than healing was freeing.

Despite the slower pace, this was a very challenging and frustrating time for me, but I knew I had a choice in how I responded. Early on I decided that I was going to focus on three things as I tried to patiently endure. I was going to approach this time with positivity, gratitude and humor. It wasn’t always easy, but making that decision going into it really helped me pull through some rough patches and made it possible to find happiness in the hard.

In March I received news that my talus (ankle) bone had died due to a lack of blood flow. The specialist called it avascular necrosis (AVN). He told me that due to the injury I would no longer be able to run. I was devastated. Those who know me know that is even worse than asking me to give up chocolate!  Running is one of my greatest blessings.  It is my therapy. Despite this news, I was filled with deep gratitude that I would at least walk normally again. However, the stubbornness in me chose to focus on the hope that I would run eventually.

In June I decided to see another specialist to get a second opinion and a new MRI. Thankfully, after much prayer and fasting, this doctor told me that my ankle was alive and there were no signs of AVN. I was gratefully stunned at the miracle I had received. As I write this, things are starting to get back to normal, and even though running is still in the far distant future, I am filled with gratitude that it is now a possibility.

Circumstances in life are not always ideal.  In fact, most of the time they aren’t. So, how can we still be happy when life gets hard? 

We all have challenges in our lives and we will have more in the future. That is a given. Most of them we can’t change or control. We can only control how we choose to react to them. One thing we know for certain is that we all only have a limited number of days here on earth. Each day we can either choose to focus on what we don’t have or focus on all we do have and be grateful for it. If we put our focus on gratitude and being positive, we can learn to laugh through our toughest challenges and we will feel the joy. 

In my home I have a sign with a quote by Gordon Hinckley. It says, “In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”  That is pure wisdom right there, but ofttimes, we think we are only going to find joy once our trials and hardships are removed, when the truth is joy can be found  right in the midst of our adversity. Happiness is in the journey, so cherish the moments.

Time is so precious. Life is a gift. It is truly a miracle. It is ours for the embracing. Embrace it. Enjoy it. And while doing so reach for and find that joy despite what your circumstances may currently be. The choice is yours.

-Jodi Wilding

*Expect Miracles*

Expect Miracles

One of my favorite cartoons growing up was The Jetsons.  I remember sitting on the floor in front of the TV on Saturday mornings watching their robot maid Rosie take care of the entire house while the mother, Jane, used her automated appliances with ease.  Then when my mother would call me to do my chores (vacuuming was my least favored), I would think how amazing it would be to have a programmed robot do all the work for me. I certainly didn’t think a cleaning robot would ever actually be a possibility in my lifetime.

I must say one of the greatest blessings of living in this day and age is my Robot Vacuum.  I love how this technology has blessed my life. The first time she (we named her Rinda) cleaned my floors, I felt like I was living the dream just like Jane Jetson. It was so liberating to let a little machine take over an endless chore of mine, freeing up a good chunk of my time. Truly, a miracle of an invention to me!

Miracles are everywhere if we have eyes to see.  Being a mother trumps all other miracles as we marvel at the development of a child inside the womb.  Could there really be anything more miraculous? 

Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

I have experienced so many miracles.  And we all do everyday.  Isn’t it miraculous that you woke up this morning?  And that the sun came up and none of us had to do anything to make that happen!  You are breathing right now and you don’t have to make that happen.  And what about your heartbeat?  It just keeps beating away and you don’t even have to think about it. Just that fact that we are alive is a miracle. Life is fragile and can honestly be taken from us in a split-second without any warning or preparation.

When we can feel gratitude and joy for the simple things we usually take for granted, then no matter what is happening in our life at the moment, we truly start to see the miracles that are everywhere around us every day. 

The past seven months I have witnessed and received many miracles due to several challenges that seemed to hit all at once in my life. In November I found out I had a herniated disk in my back that would limit my activity.  Two weeks later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Two weeks after that, a snowmobile crushed my right leg from the knee to my ankle, breaking my fibula, tearing and spraining ligaments, and doing a lot of damage to my leg.  Three days after that, I had surgery for the cancer and the day after that I was diagnosed with several deep vein blood clots in my leg.  I was unable to walk or put any weight on my leg and so was basically laid up.  A week later on Christmas Eve, my mother had quadruple bypass open heart surgery and I was unable to be there. I looked up to the heavens to see if there was a bow and arrow pointing down and I was the target.

During all this time, I was waiting to hear if my cancer treatment was going to require chemotherapy.  I prayed with great fervency that I would be able to avoid it but all signs pointed to it being necessary.  When I got the computer model oncotype score back from my happily surprised oncologist telling me I would only need radiation followed by hormone suppression therapy, I knew I had just received a great miracle!  There are no words to describe the profound gratitude I felt.

My activity came to a complete stop as I convalesced for the next several months.  I had to use a walker for the very little activity I did do, like getting in the shower or going to doctor appointments and radiation treatments at the Huntsman. Just putting on a single sock in the morning took a good five minutes or more.  I began to see how much I took for granted in my pre-injured life and was filled with deep gratitude for all the things I could still do. 

It wasn’t all bad however. Being forced to slow down (or stop altogether) my daily life, was actually kind of sweet.  I just pretended that I was in a luxurious spa everyday where people brought me three meals a day and took care of all my previous obligations while I sat around watching old movies and catching up on my reading.  Truth be told, I actually did very little reading because it took too much brain power. My brain was working overtime trying to heal a very long list of ailments and there was little energy left in it for much else. Kind of how motherhood makes you feel at times!   However, it was a nice respite from the fast paced life I was used to and not having a to-do list other than healing was freeing.  I had time to just enjoy my visitors and my family.  I wasn’t constantly running from one thing to another. I had “time” to just enjoy this wonderful miracle of life. I also got a taste of what it must be like to be a pampered princess. Bless my poor husband and loving sons who turned into my man servants. 

Despite the slower pace, this was a very challenging and frustrating time for me, but, I knew I had a choice in how I responded. Early on I decided that I was going to focus on three things as I tried to patiently endure. I was going to approach this time with positivity, gratitude and humor. It wasn’t always easy, but making that decision going into it really helped me pull through some rough patches. I watched a lot of I Love Lucy and Carol Burnett reruns. They say laughing is the best medicine and if anyone can make you laugh it is Lucy and Carol!  

I began physical therapy in January for my knee and ankle and in March I went to an ankle specialist who told me that my talus bone was dying due to a lack of blood flow from avascular necrosis (AVN). He told me that due to the injury I would no longer be able to run. I was devastated. Those who know me know that is even worse than asking me to give up chocolate!  Running is one of my greatest blessings.  It is my therapy.  It is my livelihood. 

In June I saw another specialist to get a second opinion and get a new MRI. Much prayer, fasting, and blessings went into preparation for that appointment as I prayed intensely for another miracle.  I had been blessed with many people praying and fasting for me and I felt like I had enough faith for another miracle (at least as much as a mustard seed), but I wasn’t sure if I would be granted another one.  Yes, I know that God can do anything, I have a firm testimony of that, but there are limits aren’t there?

After reading my fresh and current MRI, this doctor told me that my ankle was alive and there were no signs of AVN.  I was stunned. Yes, I received another miracle!  I cannot deny the power of a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed me with miracle after miracle!

I don’t know why sometimes we are given the miracle and other times we are only given the strength to endure the challenge.  But I do know life is full of joy and love and no matter our circumstances just being alive is a miracle in itself.

We all have challenges in our lives and we will have more in the future. That is a given. Most of them we can’t change or control.  We can only control how we choose to react to them. One thing we know for sure is that we all only have a limited number of days here on earth. So each day we can either choose to focus on what we don’t have or focus on all we have to be grateful for.

Time is so precious.  Life is a gift.  It is a miracle. It is ours for the embracing as long as our arms aren’t already too full with our to-do lists. Embrace it. And while embracing it, expect miracles!