HAPPY in the HARD (aka Choose Joy!) American Mother's Website article

Happy in the Hard

Last year my longtime dream of running the Boston Marathon came to fruition for the second time. I was on cloud nine with great hopes of running it yet again in the future. Then, without warning, things took a sharp turn. Adversity seemed to strike in the blink of an eye without notifying me or alerting me it was on its way.

One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Martha Washington, who said, “I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances.”

I always thought I believed that, but then life happened.

I’ve always tried to maintain a high level of fitness and health, but I learned firsthand that life is fragile and no matter how much we take care of ourselves, our bodies can still sell us out and surprise us with things we never anticipated.

Beginning in the late November last year, I was told I had a herniated disk. While I was trying to process that in my mind and how it would affect me as a runner I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That news came out of nowhere. Then two weeks before Christmas a fun family outing resulted in a snowmobile crushing my right leg from the knee to my ankle, breaking my fibula and tearing all my ligaments. At the time I did not fully realize the extent of the damage or how long the recovery would be. Showing up three days later for my cancer surgery in a wheelchair was not part of my plan. The surgery went as well as could be expected, but the following day I was diagnosed with blood clots in my leg. You could say I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but also very grateful the clots were discovered (thanks to my physician husband) which literally saved my life. Still, I was unable to walk or put any weight on my leg and so I was basically laid up for several months. Not wanting to be left out of the party I was having, my mom was rushed to the hospital with chest pain and ended up having a quadruple bypass on Christmas Eve. Due to my current situation, I regretfully was unable to be there. How grateful I was that her 99% blockage hadn’t resulted in any permanent damage.

With my mom’s trauma under control my focus centered on treating my breast cancer.  Having had friends go through chemotherapy and radiation, I had an unsettling fear and worry about the whole process.  Although my surgeon was fairly certain I would need chemotherapy, I was grateful when my oncotype score revealed I would only need five weeks of radiation. During this time I was also diagnosed with severe osteoporosis, but my oncologist still insisted I be on hormone therapy pills for the next 10 years. Despite all that, the relief of not being subjected to chemotherapy was perhaps the best Christmas present I have ever received.

My activity came to a complete stop as I convalesced for the next several months. This was foreign to me. I had to use a walker for the very little activity I could do, like getting in the shower or going to doctor appointments and radiation treatments at the Huntsman. Just putting on a single sock in the morning took a good five minutes or more. It was rather comical. I began to see how much I took for granted in my pre-injured life and was filled with deep gratitude for all the things I could still do. 

It wasn’t all bad however. Being forced to slow down in my daily life was actually kind of sweet. I just pretended that I was in a luxurious spa every day where people brought me three meals a day and took care of all my previous obligations, while I sat around watching old movies and catching up on my reading. Truth be told, I actually did very little reading because it took too much brain power. My brain was working overtime trying to heal a very long list of ailments and there was little energy left in it for much else. Kind of how motherhood makes you feel at times!  However, it was a nice respite from the fast paced life I was used to and not having a to-do list other than healing was freeing.

Despite the slower pace, this was a very challenging and frustrating time for me, but I knew I had a choice in how I responded. Early on I decided that I was going to focus on three things as I tried to patiently endure. I was going to approach this time with positivity, gratitude and humor. It wasn’t always easy, but making that decision going into it really helped me pull through some rough patches and made it possible to find happiness in the hard.

In March I received news that my talus (ankle) bone had died due to a lack of blood flow. The specialist called it avascular necrosis (AVN). He told me that due to the injury I would no longer be able to run. I was devastated. Those who know me know that is even worse than asking me to give up chocolate!  Running is one of my greatest blessings.  It is my therapy. Despite this news, I was filled with deep gratitude that I would at least walk normally again. However, the stubbornness in me chose to focus on the hope that I would run eventually.

In June I decided to see another specialist to get a second opinion and a new MRI. Thankfully, after much prayer and fasting, this doctor told me that my ankle was alive and there were no signs of AVN. I was gratefully stunned at the miracle I had received. As I write this, things are starting to get back to normal, and even though running is still in the far distant future, I am filled with gratitude that it is now a possibility.

Circumstances in life are not always ideal.  In fact, most of the time they aren’t. So, how can we still be happy when life gets hard? 

We all have challenges in our lives and we will have more in the future. That is a given. Most of them we can’t change or control. We can only control how we choose to react to them. One thing we know for certain is that we all only have a limited number of days here on earth. Each day we can either choose to focus on what we don’t have or focus on all we do have and be grateful for it. If we put our focus on gratitude and being positive, we can learn to laugh through our toughest challenges and we will feel the joy. 

In my home I have a sign with a quote by Gordon Hinckley. It says, “In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”  That is pure wisdom right there, but ofttimes, we think we are only going to find joy once our trials and hardships are removed, when the truth is joy can be found  right in the midst of our adversity. Happiness is in the journey, so cherish the moments.

Time is so precious. Life is a gift. It is truly a miracle. It is ours for the embracing. Embrace it. Enjoy it. And while doing so reach for and find that joy despite what your circumstances may currently be. The choice is yours.

-Jodi Wilding

*Monday Memos*

*MONDAY MEMOS*

   

 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge) 
Weekly recap of my rather crazy, insane, but fun and rewarding life!

dear monday, today was one of those days. I was extremely tired even right after waking up.  I was actually able to fall asleep for a bit off and on.  It was crazy how tired I was. I guess the radiation effects have peaked and hopefully that means it will start to go the other way.  It was really hard for me to get my PT done today and it basically took me doing it in little segments.  Dave brought me a yummy lunch of veggies and the Hawaiian haystack chicken gravy.  I ate a ton of Salt and Vinegar chips today. I am addicted to them right now for some reason.  Lol  Taylor and McKay stopped by on their way to see Aubrey.  It was nice to see them for a few. Bryce is in San Fran with Hailey and her kiddos for a few days. 

I really needed to see this today.

dear tuesday, today I got my PT done fairly early. I like doing that to get it out of the way and not hanging over my head all the time.  I ventured out to Walmart today for my very first time in almost three months.  Big step!  Hah  :) I was in there for over an hour and my body was feeling it. I definitely over did it!   The worst part wasn't the walking but getting all the groceries inside and put away.  I had to make three trips.  But it felt like a huge accomplishment. How sad is that! LOL  

I sure do love this little buddy of mine.  He has been right there almost every minute that I am upstairs either laying on my lap or snoozing right by my chair.  And to think I used to think he didn't love me.  haha

I was so tired after my big excursion that I had to go lay down for a while.  It took it right out of me. I had RS tonight and I am so glad I went.  It was really good.  It was on ministering. Cheryl H. spoke and then Bonnie did.  Bonnie talked about Mona and almost had me in tears.  I miss that lady.  We were VT partners and visited her together for several years.  She talked about how visiting teaching is really the reason Mona became active and eventually went through the temple.  Not because of "us" but because of the power of VT. It truly has brought so many souls back to the fold.  After we went in the cultural hall for some other things. I chatted with Bonnie and cute Sister Smith from the stake. We got a photo of our hands (not sure why), and then I headed out.  It was fun.  

I have never liked my hands.  They have always looked 10 years older than my age.  I blame it on all the cleaning products I used in my earlier married days.  But, I can tell you one thing. I am VERY grateful for those hands!  Life would not be very livable without them.  I have taken my legs for granted for far too long, I will never take my hands for granted. They are priceless gifts to each of us.

We also put together Sunshine baskets.

dear wednesday,  I got up early and headed out before 8 am for my Women's Forum meeting at the hospital.  We met in the room right by where my PT is.  It was a good meeting, though long, but we got a lot done.  The forum is basically all planned.  I got the keynote speaker (Meg Johnson) and one of the breakouts.  My other breakout wasn't able to come (Heartbound).  I headed home after and changed in to my PT clothes.  I headed back at 11:15 for that.  It went well, but very painful.  My flexion measured 138-139. My extension is still at 7. I'm going to need another miracle to get it down faster.  Dave was off until three today.  He's on call this week.  I came home and rested for a bit.  I can't remember what happened the rest of the day, but I'm sure it wasn't too exciting! 

"THIS" however was.  Dave made this banana split and shared with me.  So tasty!

I had to get on the AMI website for something and was happy to see I am still on the board!

dear thursday, today was a busy day.  It was my Homemakers meeting and I was in charge. It was nice to be back though.  

Everyone was so sweet and told me they had missed me and that they were glad I was back.  The presenter did a great job on teaching us all the things an Echo Dot can do.  I learned a lot.  It was fun. You can even change the name from Alexa to anything you want.   Then Julie taught us about some of the best Podcasts out there.  The refreshments were the highlight.  Fruit pizza cookies. Mmm....  It went well.  

Here are my notes

I came home and got ready and headed to pick up my mom.  My dad took her to Maverick to save some time.  We then went to Sky's and picked them up.  Carson was so adorable as usual.  He grabbed my hand and held it the whole way.  He then grabbed my mom's.  Sky dropped us off so I wouldn't have to walk from where we parked but we ended up at the wrong end and had to walk a long ways to get to the entrance.  But, I did okay. I took my one crutch and probably should have taken both because then we had to wait (standing) for about 15-20 minutes which was hard on my leg. They took us to a room where there were other famous Insta-grammers.  I call them Insta-celebrities.  Sarah is fast becoming one of them as well.  Actually, she already is or she wouldn't have got the invite to do this.  All sponsored. 

They had these Hawaiian dancers and drummers as we entered.  The theme was Moana.  They had the little kids go up and try to hula with them.  Carson was so funny to watch. Then some of the girls came to our table and he got so shy and had the funniest look on his face.  They loved him but he was not interested.  haha  

He warmed up to them a little afterwards.  They were all in love with him!  They had some crafts set out for us (shell bracelets and coconut cups to decor) and then the special guests arrived. It was Mickey and Minnie Mouse.  I was pretty excited!  Not sure I have ever personally met Mickey before.  We got some photos. 

 Look how cute my mom looks!  She is doing so great!

Mickey selfie!

We thought we were getting dinner but that was a miscommunication.  We ended up getting pizza from the concessions.  We were sitting on the third row back and were all comfortable and after the show started one of the workers asked to see our tickets.  The usher had put us in the wrong seats and we had to move back 8 (or 10 rows).  It was okay because those seats were actually better to see it all.  Carson was just singing away and was so cute.  

SELFIES!!!  We were having too much fun!

Then Carson actually got to be in the Tangled segment. They put him in a cart and he was pushed across the floor with three other little kids.  He was so cute.  It was pretty awesome to see him out there.  He came back so excited!  

 It was pretty impressive!

It was a great show.  After, we couldn't find his coat and so Sky went back to our original seats to try to find it and then suddenly Carson just vanished!  He was gone just like that!  I would have run up the stairs and pushed through everyone to try to find him, but I was too disabled to be able to do that as was my mom.  Sky ran up and started to look for him. I was getting so worried and nervous.  Sky was the only one looking for him which had me concerned because he just disappeared and I was hoping someone didn't just grab him.  After about 10 minutes of torture, he found him. Whew!  That was not good and brought back so many memories of when Bryce would get lost.  We actually lost him in that very building!  He would also just disappear instantly.  When we lost him there (when it was the Delta Center) I was actually holding his hand and going down the stairs.  He was suddenly just gone.  I had told him before we got there that if he got lost (because of his track record) to find one of the workers in the green vests.  We were about to call security when one of us ran back inside the auditorium and there he was standing next to a worker in a green vest.  At least he listened.  hah  But, I would lose about 10 years of my life every time we lost him.  We also lost him at Lego-land and Lagoon.  He would just start looking at everything (he's SO observant) but that would distract him.  But happily all is well!

 Such a beautiful little family.

As we walked out, they were selling the lighted things for $10 and they were $30 inside.  I got Carson a sword because he hadn't asked for anything was such a great kid.  All the other kids around us were whining for things.  I can't even believe the parents who dish out $15 for a snow cone!  Seriously!  A lady in front of us had two little kids (one just a baby about one year old) and she bought three of them.  That's $45 on snow-cones!  She also bought a $15 cotton candy!  I am sorry, but I just DO NOT GET THAT!  What a waste of money!  Those little kids didn't even eat them.  They were too little and the three of them easily could have shared one and saved $30.  It's kind of my pet peeve and it drives me crazy!  We got back to Sky's safely and then I took over driving and took my Mom home and then made it back to my home safely.  It was a relief because I was nervous about driving in the dark for the first time in three months.  I am so grateful my leg survived.  It was quite the outing for that poor thing! LOL

dear friday, today Taylor was here and Bryce for most of the morning.  McKay and Taylor are heading to St. George for spring break.  I hope they are careful and safe. I have become such a worry wart since my accident.  I just see how fast things can happen and the speed at which we drive our heavy cars, can do a lot of damage.  I think I need counseling. LOL  

My breakfast in bed from Dave.  This is low key. He usually has a smorgasbord for me!

My PT was okay.  Good news is my flexion is up to 140!!! Bad news my extension is still at 7.  I need it to get moving faster because one week from today it will have been three months and Rob says that is when things start to get critical because that scar tissue really starts to cause problems and then it's a real battle after that. It's already a battle and so if it gets worse, that is not good.  The nice lady who is also dealing with extension issues came and chatted with me.  She is cute.  She told me going to Crystal Hot Springs has really helped her a lot.  Her extension decreased two degrees in three weeks since going.  I might have to try it out.  The fun station was not fun.  Cindy had us laughing because she had some children's phone game pop up on her phone when it was dropping out of her pocket.  We all laughed. She makes it fun there.  I was there a good two hours.  PJ was there again.  The best part of it is the people.  I really like some of the people there.  I went to the Dollar Store for some St. Pat's stuff and then to Hallmark to try and find Karen a bday gift.  When I walked in the clerk said, "Oh, it's so good to see you out and about.  How are you doing?"  She knew everything about what has been going on. Other than the snowmobile stuff.  The joys of living in a small town!  ;) And the other lady knew who I was but I did not know her.  I found some things that might work, but decided to think about it and go back tomorrow.  I worked on some things on the computer and then Dave got home and it was snowing pretty hard.  Might be our last snow storm of the season!  Dave made the best hamburger soup and I was so grateful because I didn't want to go out tonight, but just stay in and be all cozy and warm.  It was a nice night to do that.  So I did.  And I watched one of my favorite movie classics, My Fair Lady.

dear saturday, today felt so nice to not have to be up and rushing off anywhere.  Dave had to work. I did my PT and then had to find a gift for Karen.  I went to Hallmark and got her the same blanket (different color and words) that Robin gave to me when all the craziness of my life began. I have loved that blanket so much and it has brought me such comfort and I thought she needed one too.  I then hit Smith's and only ran into one person I knew (Bret Jackman) and he asked me how I was doing and told me that he has been so impressed how I have dealt with all I have gone through and how I've been so positive though it all.  He was very kind.  I got a few things for Easter and some puff pastry to make donuts and then headed home.  I worked on the blog for a bit and then Carson came running in!  He was so cute. He just brightens my day instantly with his bright eyes and happy smile. He has an energy that just lifts you.  Sky and Sarah also came. LOL  Dave was off somewhere.  

When he got home we headed to Troy's for a party.  Carol was so nice and was giving me a lot of helpful suggestions for my leg.  She is also a physical therapist.  She let me use her portable bike.  Not sure it will do a lot of good, but I might as well try.  She also told me to not let them do the manipulation. She said sometimes it causes more problems.  I am okay with that!  LOL  She told me to not get discouraged because she is certain I will get full mobility back. I needed to hear that because I have been getting pretty discouraged lately.  I have to keep focused on the progress I have made. And I have made incredible progress since I started going to PT.  Just a few short weeks ago, I couldn't even put any weight on my foot.  And now, I'm even driving and progressed to just a cane and can even walk without it (although poorly).  I started my PT on Jan. 25th and so it's only been six weeks.  I have to feel good about how far I've come since then.  We played a game called.....hmm....I actually have no idea what it is called, but it was fun.  We won!  We were purple, so of course we did!  hah  Then we went in his movie theater and watched an old TV show called Monk that Nancy loves.  It was a little strange. Then they played a thing called Kid History that I thought was hilarious but Dave was more than ready to hit the trail.  He's not into that kind of humor.  It was a fun party.  Tonight we have to set our clocks back and so no one stayed too late. Troy and Carol are great and they have the best house for parties.  

dear sunday, for the first time in forever (I feel like I should burst into song), BUT, this morning I actually SLEPT IN!  I woke up at 8:37 a.m. (technically 7:37 a.m. due to setting our clocks ahead last night), and it felt so good! I didn't even hear Dave wake up or leave. That's a first! I am usually awake by 5 or 6 a.m. and so it felt wonderful!  The only bad thing was I ended up having to miss sacrament meeting because I was unable to be ready in 15 minutes!  Plus, I still had a few things to get ready for my lesson today.  And, Sky, Sarah, and Carson were all ready!  But, they wouldn't go without me and so I felt really bad.  I should have set my alarm, but since I NEVER sleep past 6:00, so there was no reason to.  I almost felt like I had been drugged because it's so not like me.  Maybe it's a new thing that I will be able to do now?  We can only hope!  I loved it.  I took Carson and we headed to Primary.  He is no longer in my class and so that is sad.  He told me his class is boring.  LOL  As far as mine, it was a challenge!  Holy cow.  Last week, they were perfect angels, but this week we had a boy who wasn't there last week and he stirred the pot quite a bit. It only takes one.  Haha  They did great until I got a little too deep as we were talking about miracles and I shared a bit about Tyson.  That was too much for them.  They loved when I told them about my leg and demonstrated how to walk with a cane and then let them try.  But, I lost them after snack.  Part of that was due to the fact that my computer was not working and that threw things off too.  Sky says my job is to entertain them not teach. I don't agree.  I have a degree in Child Development. I should have had this.  But, nope.  At least I will be better prepared for next time. After class little Liesl was unhappy because apparently she wanted more "sticks". Graham cracker sticks.  Her parents couldn't figure out what she was saying other than her teacher wouldn't give her more sticks.  hah  I finally figured out what she meant and gave her the rest of the bag. LOL  I felt like a total failure.  To three year olds.  Oh well, there's always next week.  Part of the problem is we only have about 25 minutes now and that is hard to adjust to. It's hard to teach them something solid in that amount of time. But, I will adapt.  Hah

We came home and Dave was still gone to ward conferences and so Carson and I played "restaurant" and then we watched Home Alone (he says it's his favorite movie- lol) while I did my PT.  He is so smart.  If I ask him to grab me something, he ALWAYS knows where it is.  And he ALWAYS does exactly what I ask him to do, no matter what it is.  The adults around here aren't that good.  He is just very observant and very smart.  He sees things most don't. He truly amazes me.  And he's only five!  

We had a delicious meatloaf dinner and then got ready to head to Kaysville for Karen's party.  Barry invited just our family to try to lift her spirits because she's been going through a rough time.  Dave's parents were the only other ones there.  It was fun. They have all new furniture.  We chatted for a while.  Carson was so cute with their dog Chase.  Then we had cake and ice cream.  So good. I announced that cake is by far my favorite dessert of all.  Karen was a bit surprised.  Haha  But I do love my cake!  Actually, I seem to love white cake with white frosting more than anything. And it's not even chocolate.  Not sure why, but I love it.  We told everyone goodbye and headed home.  

Barry accidentally grabbed Happy Retirement balloons!  Too funny!

I was beat.  I was so happy to be able to rest.  Taylor arrived home from his short trip to St. G.  McKay is still there until Wednesday I think.

Russell M. Nelson, the President of our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) met with the pope this weekend at the Vatican.  Our new temple in Rome is being dedicated on Monday.  It is a historic occasion because all 15 members of the First Presidency and Quorum of Twelve Apostles will be present for the first time in a dedication outside the US.

From our Prophet Pres. Nelson:
"More than 2,000 years ago, our Savior Jesus Christ ministered to the world, establishing His Church and His gospel. He called Apostles and gave them the decree to “go ye therefore, and teach all nations.”

In our day, the Lord’s Church has been restored. The Savior stands at the head of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As modern-day Apostles of Jesus Christ, the message we share today is the same message that Apostles shared long ago—that God lives and that Jesus is the Christ.

As one of His special witnesses, I testify that because the Savior offered Himself as the infinite Atonement, you and I have the opportunity—the privilege—to be forgiven when we repent. We can also turn to Him for healing of our hearts, for strength when we are weak, and for help to do things we simply cannot do on our own. He taught us how to love, how to pray, how to endure. There’s no trial we can endure that He doesn’t know about. He gives each one of us hope.

I am honored to be listed among the many who teach and testify of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the Savior of the world, and He has given us an example by which we can live.

Because of Jesus Christ, we can have access to power sufficient to deal with the burdens, obstacles, and temptations of our day. He delivers us from physical and spiritual death. I love and testify of Him."

dear random, 

Bryce's trip to San Fran. 

 

Cuties! 

This is cute Ethan featured in a magazine article.  He is an icon of our town. 

Made me laugh!

dear quotes,