*Monday Memos*

*MONDAY MEMOS*

   

 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge) 
Weekly recap of my rather crazy, insane, but fun and rewarding life!

dear monday, my friend Dawn has sent me a text message every single morning since I told her the news.  She sends a quote and then writes me an uplifting and positive thought.  I am AMAZED at her!  I wonder how she does it. I wouldn't be surprised if she does it to several people.  She is seriously a Saint!  Another friend posted this:

 I found this ↓and I needed it! It is so true!  I am so blessed!

 As well as this ↓

Today Dave thought he was off until 3 but found out he had to go in at 9.  I chose not to go for a walk because it was FREEZING and there was ice and snow on the ground.  

Instead I chatted with McKay a bit and then got busy working on organizing my room.  I want to get rid of some of the junk and make it look nicer since most likely I will be spending a lot more time in there in the future.  I worked hard and got a lot done but not enough.  I was beat.  Dave is on call and worked really late. 

I got my UPS/FedEx/USPS treat basket set up and just in the nick of time!  They more than earned a treat today!

dear tuesday, I got up early so I could practice because this week has been such a whirlwind that I didn't have any time.  I usually always find time, but not this week.  I got ready and headed to my harp lesson even though I was unprepared.  We worked really hard on Gigue again and my dang technique. I have a hard time snapping my 4th finger in on my right hand as well as keeping my fingers curved (the cup), my thumb bent, my wrist broken, my cup up, my fingers round and my elbows up. SO much to think about besides the notes!  I guess that is why the harp is considered so difficult to learn.  It takes much more than half a brain which is what I had today!  We chatted about life for a while as well.  She told me that she believes some of us are on the accelerated program down here because we chose it.  We may have not known our specific challenges or trials but our journey is tailored for each of us.  She told me she thinks I am the most amazing and inspiring person she knows. Hmm...I highly doubt that!  But she added that she meant that sincerely.   I also keep getting people tell me that if anyone can do this, I can and that it is going to work out beautifully.  I HOPE.  I told her I am not sure why, but that I feel very strong and not feeling like I want to crawl in a hole until it's over.  I am not sure why I feel so strong but I told her I think it's the power of gratitude and shared her the story of when I found that book, DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE?  I truly feel maybe that is HF trying to tell me to stay positive and be grateful for everything little thing along the way.  Maybe to inspire others or for my own growth.  I'm not sure. Probably both. It was a good talk.  She is an amazing woman.  She teaches much more than how to play the harp.  These ↓ I know to be true:

I had to rush to Kohl's to return some of the family pix stuff and after waiting in a long line, they were going to take off $16 of what I paid because I earned Kohl's cash and already spent it (cause of the deadline). If I had just returned them before I used it, I would have got full price back.  Dumb-de-dumb-dumb rule!  So I wasted all that time and I was late for the Sista Christmas party.  But...we had a ton of fun. 

Shelley hosted it and she did an amazing job.  I was kind of on one and wanted to be upbeat and happy because I didn't want any pity or anyone to feel sorry for me.  I don't feel like I was wearing a mask (though I did have on some pretty cute reindeer glasses) because I was feeling strong and happy and so excited to be spending the day with such amazing friends.  I think it is because of the prayers on my behalf.  When I watched It's A Wonderful Life this year, the part where everyone is praying for George Bailey really hit me this time.  There is a scene up in heaven where someone asks what is all the noise and someone else responds that it is all the prayers for George Bailey and so we better do something about it.  I could just picture all the prayers on my behalf this week and heaven saying they better listen and get down here and help strengthen me. I really do love these woman.  I even did a clogging dance for everyone in my new knee length socks I won. Haha  

Not everyone knew yet.  Carla cried when she hugged me.  It was surreal telling them the news.  Chris was there and I told her we were now BOSOM BUDDIES. :)  We chatted about her journey with breast cancer the past six months and I felt my strength leave me and I ended up feeling pretty dragged down in the depths of "can this really be happening to ME?"  She told me some things that were hard to hear and things that I just don't want to have to go through....especially chemo. I went from feeling super strong to super down.  But, I was okay after I got back out in my car and Christmas music started playing.  For someone who usually feels stressed out at during this season, I have felt so much more joy this year.  Maybe because the pressure is off!  haha  If I don't get the calendar done....oh well.  If I don't get the poem done...oh well.  That one is killing me though, because I'm all about history.  But, I am actually glad this is happening during the holidays because there is so much more joy now than at other times and I really feel it deeply.  At first, I was kind of mad because HOW can I do everything I need to and deal with all this?  But now, I am grateful.  We got some fun pix!  Robin showed up just as things were winding up.  I stayed and chatted for a bit, but then I had to get moving because I have SO much to accomplish so I can get done in case I end up in surgery soon.  BUT...it was a FUN party!!!

I went to my parents house and my Dad had made dinner because my mom plays dominoes on Tuesday.  It was so cute.  I ate with them. It was fun.  They are taking the news pretty well.  But as soon as I left, I kind of had a mini meltdown and basically cried the entire way home.  I think all that I learned from Chris today was a bit overwhelming and hard to process all at once.  I also prayed intensely.  When I got home I found this:

Janet is one of the most in tune women I know.  She has always been so sweet and kind and even though she has no idea what I am going through, she left me this.  I'm sure my testimony on Sunday was the reason.  And she is going through some pretty tough stuff right now as well. Then I remembered it was Kim's bday (I used to VT her) and so I ran a gift to her.  When I got home, Dave had a new tree.  Apparently the tree stand leaked and all the water is on my carpet.  He had the fan blowing and decided to exchange trees. I'm not sure that was a good idea because the new tree isn't much better. LOL  Then Tracy showed up with some white and purple roses.  Oh my. They are gorgeous. We chatted for a while.  

Everyone is so kind and giving me strength.  I need it right now and I am so grateful.  But, I am so tired. I don't remember feeling this tired.  It's the kind of tired I felt after Tyson passed away.  I think I am grieving in a way (the future I thought I had) and so that is taking it's toll.  

But this scene on my way home tonight brought me MUCH JOY!  I call it the BC Gingerbread House!  I LOVE IT!

dear wednesday, I got to the temple a bit early this morning.  I decided to use the extra time to knell and pray.  I just love being in the temple and the peaceful feeling there.  I asked HF if he could possibly make it so I won't have to go through chemo treatments. That is my greatest desire with this whole thing. I know He can move mountains and so I know He can do that, if it is His will. I told Jean.  Interesting.  We were slower than usual today.  Kathryn H. came in and found me and I went out and talked with her.  She told me she has had me on her mind and wanted me to know she put my name on the prayer roll.  She then asked if I was doing okay.  I decided to tell her what is going on.  She just hugged me so tight and told me she loved me and she would be praying for me consistently. People are just so kind.  It was nice not having to rush off to harp right after.  In fact, I wish I would have thought ahead and stayed and done initiatories.  Dave was off until three today.  

As soon as he left for work I got a phone call from the Huntsman informing me the pathology report came back and it appears that I do have breast cancer.  

I was calm and held it together and got the info I would need to choose a surgeon.  I called Dave and he wasn't surprised. I think we both knew from the ultrasound report that this would be the news.  It is hard to swallow though.  I am still in shock that this could be happening to me.  But, it is.  Now to deal with it.  I will not let this evil thing win.  I will beat this.  I have no doubt.  It might be a long haul, but I will beat it.  

I ran to Seagull Book and Walmart.  I was texting everyone who had asked me to let them know as soon as I heard and I was exhausted after.  This is draining already.  The rest of the day is a blur.  But I did read this ↓ article and I try to do these things but I think I need to do all of them all more often. My focus is going to be on gratitude through this whole trial.
LINK

15 TIPS FOR PRACTICING GRATITUDE

1. Write in a gratitude journal daily

2. Thank at least one person every day

3. Replace “sorry” with “thank you” (i.e. “thank you for waiting for me” instead of “sorry I am late”)

4. Call someone to say “thank you”

5. Write a thank you note

6. Volunteer to help advance a cause that you care about

7. Make a meal for a friend or neighbor

8. Don’t participate in gossip about others

9. Give compliments freely

10. Memorize a quote about gratitude each month and meditate on it daily

11. Notice the good in other people

12. Focus on your own strengths and the strengths of others

13. Don’t run from challenges but see them as an opportunity to grow

14. Look for ways to perform random acts of kindness

15. Learn from your mistakes

***December 5th, 2019 - the day of my diagnosis.

dear thursday, today I didn't get out on a run because I was a wimp.  It was cold and I just wasn't up to it.  Actually, the real reason is my to-do list was huge. I was in charge of the Homemaker's Christmas party today and so got everything ready for that.  Here is the invite I made:

I took Christmas Caviar and chips.  I arrived early so I could help Kathryn if she needed anything but she was on top of things and was ready to go. I so appreciate her hosting it!  No one else wanted to.  We had a HUGE turnout!  I think the biggest ever!  There were 29 women there.  It was so fun.  I didn't love the conducting part of it, but everyone is so nice.  

We ate and then did a gift exchange that took a long time because we had so many. You open a gift and then can steal it.  

I got a cute hot pad with cookie mix inside.  No one tried to steal it.  For my gift, I took hot cocoa, a cute mug that said something about chocolate and some peppermint cream spray.  It got stolen from Beth by Debra.  We got a fun picture of my cute friends who all were wearing black and red.  

The black and red groupies...

Debra joined in. It was so cute!

I came home and worked on Dave's parent's dinner.  I made cookies.  Bryce was here putting lights on the tree.  He worked so hard at it for about five hours, but Hailey and her cute kids were also here and so he got interrupted a bit, plus they left to go get dinner. So maybe 4 hours.  But whatever it was, he was so nice to patiently do that. 

Dave also found the ornament tote.  It has been missing since we got the tree on Saturday.  He put it at the apartment apparently.  That would be one expensive thing to lose. The value of all those ornaments in it must be near $3K because there are so many personalized ones we each have, plus tons of Hallmark ones.  Those things are not cheap.  I played with Brinlee.  Liam is so dang cute. He calls Bryce, "Daa".  Hailey says people stop and tell them how much Liam looks like his Dad...thinking Bryce is his dad.  They do look alike actually.  It was fun having them here and getting to know them a bit better.  

No she doesn't have a bottle, she found that in my cupboard and was pretending to be a baby.

Robin stopped by and brought me a soft, comfy, purple gorgeous blanket and the sweetest card. And it has the word GRATITUDE on it.  Coincidence?  Nope. We talked for over an hour.  People have been so kind and sweet about this whole thing.  I spent a lot of time on the phone today returning texts. I have received so many comforting messages and just overall kindness from so many. I have been blessed with such a huge support group. 

dear friday, it was another chilly morning!  I planned on getting in a good walk but things got busy.  I called my sil Scare and we chatted about my life situation for over an hour.  She has always been more like a real sister than an in-law and I needed to talk to her.  I felt bad though because when she got my text the other day telling her the bad news she had a huge group of RS sisters on their way to her house and she said she couldn't help but just cry and that was five minutes before they arrived.  I told her she could tell her girls.  They both text me and Aubs text McKay before I had told him the final word. I wanted to wait until he was here in person.  He called me and I felt bad but he said he pretty much already knew from our earlier talk.  Still felt bad.  My phone was going off all day.  It was very time consuming and very energy draining to respond to all the texts.  I decided to tell the Sista's as well.  Everyone has been so supportive and kind.  The main thing everyone is telling me is that if there is anyone that can beat this it is me. I have had most of them tell me that I am the strongest and most determined woman they know who never gives up on any challenge and I will come of the conqueror of this like I do all my challenges.  I asked Dave why they see me that way, and he just said because I am a fighter.  I am happy people think that of me, now for me to just think that of myself as well.  I guess I do for the most part though because I have decided I am putting on my boxing gloves and I am going to give this the fight of my life and I WILL WIN this!  I am determined!  

I got the tree decorated today. YAY!  Finally! 

We went to the 8th ward's Christmas party.  It was fun. 

dear saturday, today I didn't run again because we had the ward party at 9 a.m.  I haven't run or walked once this entire week!  Not good!  Dave had to work but he ran over to the party for a few minutes.  I ran home and got some nativities because they needed more.  I gave Joy Hipp a ride home so she could grab hers as well.  I chatted with Bonnie and then Brad gave me a big hug.  Johnny (Bishop) came over and we were chatting and then he asked me how I was doing, and before I could respond, he said that he knew.  He is such a good guy.  I sat by Bonnie and we ate and then they had a program. Lots of singing and then some people in the ward were dressed as shepherds, wisemen, Mary and Joseph, an angel, etc.  The primary kids sang the song, Picture a Christmas and they all came out during it.  It was really good. 

I was holding sweet Vivian, the cutest  baby on the planet.  

And, of course, we got our picture taken with Santa per tradition.  We were missing a few of the regulars (Audrey, Marilyn, Mona, and Janet) but we had me, Jen, and Bonnie. I recruited Joy to be in it this year.  She is so cute.  

I had to add this one because I look like I have to go to the bathroom again! Geeze I need to stop doing that!  hehe  But anything to make me laugh right now, I am all over that! 

Bro. Packer sent this "Blast from the Past".  It is from 2008!  10 years!  Wow!

Joy's husband Dave came up to me after and told me how much he appreciated my testimony on Sunday and that he wanted me to know it changed him.  He went on to tell me that he had been dealing with some things at work (I think he said) and things that he had let get to him and when I said how we need to find the gratitude in everything, he said it hit him hard and he came home and made a plan and let these things go and it changed him.  He said that if I could do it when losing a son, he could too. He loved that I said that there is always good things in the midst of the bad. I wish I could remember exactly what he said, (heck, I wish I could remember what I said in my testimony!) but it made me feel so good because when I sat down after bearing it, I honestly wondered if I totally botched it.  He told me he even talked about my testimony is his Sunday School class that he teaches.  He was very appreciative and told me how much it helped him.  Maybe he was the reason I felt I had to stand. 

I came home and cleaned and organized more in my room.  White Christmas was on TV and so I had it on while I worked.  Dave got home from work and I just wasn't feeling well.  I was so tired and I had to go lay down for a bit. Something I just never do, but I know should more often.  I fear I feel so tired all the time because of the cancer.  Or more likely, from all the stress and shock of it all.  Who knows? I am sure that all the emotional stuff can make you feel sick too.  It felt good to just rest for a bit. Mr. Cat joined me.  Taylor was here when I got up and he was so nice to put lights on the trees out front. I feel bad because CJ moved out this week.  He is finished with school and so moved to Layton to live with his cousins because he works at Snow Basin. Sad.  They have been hooked at the hip since high school except while on their missions. 

I finished the neighborhood gifts.  Dave even helped me.  I think they are cute.  

We had a pork roast for dinner that Dave made. I was so grateful!  Then Ayako delivered cinnamon rolls. She makes the best. I told her about all that is going on because basketball will be starting up soon and I have no idea how I will be feeling so I wanted her to have a head's up. People are just so nice.  I feel so blessed.  I worked hard on this so I can get caught up but I am so behind.  Sigh....

I think he needs new shoes!  I about died when he showed me these!  He didn't think it was any big deal!  Where have I gone wrong!  lol

dear sunday, today I tried to get lots done before Carson arrived so I could play with him once he was here.  I put the cute panda I got for him outside to surprise him.  When they arrived, he was pretty excited.  

Chayden is here right now as well.  Carson was in such a good mood. He sure loves his brother.  It's sad they can't always be together.  Heartbreaking actually.  But at least he gets to spend some time with him a couple times a year.  He loves Dave and they played darts for a while.  We then headed to church.  Karen was teaching for Cheryl today.  We had teacher development as well.  I could tell some of the people in there knew what was going on with me.  I am sure it was mentioned in ward council just by the way some people were acting.  Oh well, they are going to find out sooner or later I guess.  Sunbeams was fun. Karen had them make cute little baby Jesus'.  They were pretty good too.  Dave met with Rob after because he asked Dave if he could talk to him.  Found out it was about me. Yep, I was discussed in ward council.  We had pork chop bake for dinner with rolls.  It was good. Chayden loved it.  I have been replaced however.  Carson wanted to sit by Chayden instead of me.  That's a first!  LOL  

We had fun just hanging out. Sky got my new TV set up for me in my room.  It will be nice. My other one was a dinosaur.  I watched a gingerbread contest on Cake Wars for a bit.  Bryce brought Hailey and her kiddos over for a bit. Brinlee was sad and crying because Carson didn't want her playing with some of the toys. LOL  I had to have a little talk with him about that.  It was kind of funny.  When they left, she wanted a treat from the UPS/FedEx/USPS treat basket.  I told her she could have as many as she wanted.  I was beat and more than ready for bed once everyone left.  

 The lights on the tree brings such peace. I just love to sit alone by it while I watch the lights glisten.

dear random,

How cute is this!!!?  These are my favorite twins ever!  They always dress so adorable and they are always holding hands.  I know their Grandma and mom and they posted this on Facebook and tagged me.  They are standing in front of my gingerbread house.  SO. STINKIN. CUTE!

 Poor little freezing Scratchers. I feel so sorry for him!  I feed him and let him in quite often. I finally found out who his owners are. I am just glad he has owners but they live two blocks away west.  He still hangs out here all. the. time.  I just love him. Mr. Cat does not love him however.  They got into it this week while both were inside. I had to break up a "cat fight".

THIS is the creepiest thing EVER!  The face looks totally HUMAN and alive!  It creeped me out so bad!

Tell me that doesn't look real!!! 

Karen sent me this when she was tending Carson. So cute!

 I think he is bushed! I will be murdered if he ever sees I posted this. hehe   Mr. Cat is in heaven. He won't ever do that with me!  

 These are looking so pretty!