Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Broken Is Good

As a mother of five very active boys, I have watched (and oft times just heard) many things get broken in my home.  Sometimes the object was meaningful to me - like an expensive plate I had on display in my kitchen that I could never find the exact replica to replace it.  Other times, the object is nothing more than a drinking glass or vase that has no real value.  Luckily for me I have never possessed anything really valuable that if it were to be broken would be a real devastation.  

Other than my own heart...

I have had my share of broken hearts in my day.  Haven't we all?  Whether it be from a shattered  romance, something one of our loved ones has done, watching someone (or a pet) suffer, moving away from a home and people you love, sending a missionary off for two very LONG years, witnessing the unfair treatment of others, or saying goodbye to a loved one for the last time while on this earth.

I have experienced all of those things and some more than once or twice. 

Right now I am experiencing a broken heart of sorts because my baby McKay is going to be a senior in high school this year.  Watching my children grow up has been my greatest joy and the best part of my life.  But watching them mature, knowing the clock is counting down before they will all be on their own, is well...  heart breaking.  

When I took McKay 'back to school' shopping a couple of weeks ago, it hit me hard when I realized that this was the last time I would ever do that as a mother.  It's not easy accepting that I am living all of the "lasts" instead of the "firsts".  It used to be I was completely focused and excited to witness the milestones of their firsts.  Their first word, first step, first day of school, first date, etc.  Now it's changed into their lasts.  Last football game, last high school dance, last parent teacher conference, last graduation, last mission call, and the last time to go back to school shopping.  

The firsts are usually something that we notice and watch for and then take note with great celebration.  Not so much the lasts.  In fact the lasts often go unnoticed.  We don't even know when the lasts of most things happen.  We never know when the last time our child will sit on our lap, or the last time they will ask us to tuck them in at night, or the last time they will tell us to kiss their owie better.  But they still happen, unaware or not.  I am grateful I have not been aware of most of them.  If someone told me,"This is the last time your son will ever sit on your lap", I would have been devastated.  

Some things are better not knowing. ☺ 

I wrote a post on this six years ago that can be found HERE.
And even though my heart is breaking a bit because I am leaving a phase of my life that I have been so comfortable in for over 29 years, I realize that sometimes it takes a little breaking of the heart in order to open up a new and possibly even brighter tomorrow.  Heavenly Father allows our hearts to be broken because he knows our hearts have to open up when broken and that opening is the only way for other things to get in that He wants to give us. Good and beautiful things can come from broken things.
I learned that well when I lost my son Tyson.  But that's another post entirely.

I saw this quote and just fell in love with it:

It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. . . . it is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever. [“Broken Things,” an excerpt from Vance Havner, The Still Water (Old Tappan, NJ: Flemming H. Revell, 1934) 

It reminded me of a song I love by Kenneth Cope titled Broken.  It talks a lot about how we feel broken ourselves because of life's battering along the way.  It's hard to get out of this life alive - oh wait-  we aren't going to do that no matter what.  Okay, so it's hard to get out of this life without a lot of cracks, bruises, and injuries to our hearts and souls along the way.  Sometimes our spirits will shatter, sometimes our testimony will crumble, and almost all the time our hearts will break.  Hearts are tender and fragile and it's pretty tough to escape this life without a few gashes to it here and there.

We will make mistakes.  A lot of them.  Sometimes mistakes break people worse than anything else that happens to them because of the guilt.  That's why I love the fact that the song and the quote emphasize that Heavenly Father loves broken things.  ALL of us are going to be broken and He already knew that before He registered us for this game.  He KNEW we weren't going to come back as perfected souls with our spirits looking all bright and shiny and wonderfully new.  Quite the opposite in fact.  We are all going to return with our spirits looking like we have just played in the Super Bowl.  Bruised, battered, and broken.  And that is how it's supposed to be.  There is nothing to be ashamed of because our souls show signs of playing a tough and hard fought game.  The fact that our spirits show signs of that is what will cause Him (and us) to rejoice because it is proof that we grew stronger and learned some important lessons while here. 

And that is where the atonement comes in.  

No matter how broken we are, or how many bruises we acquire while here, the atonement can repair them all and make us all shiny and new again.  All because our Savior was willing to give up His life and pay the price for us.  There is nothing but pure hope and love in the atonement. 



I will no longer look at any broken object with the thought that it's now useless and totally worthless.  When something breaks it will remind me that it takes some breaking to be able to open us up to new strengths and compassion.  No, we will never be the same once broken, but that is the point.  We don't want to return the same as we came.  And the good news is, broken things once fixed, seem to always turn out better and stronger than before.


Broken is good.



Please take the time to watch this wonderful video of Kenneth Cope's song Broken.  It is so touching and inspiring.




Monday, August 25, 2014

*Monday Memos*

*MONDAY MEMOS*

 
                          
 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge -if print is too small, you need glasses! ☺)


dear monday, I had planned on getting a lot of things done around the house today, but I ended up getting an invitation to join in with my sister-in-laws in lunch to celebrate my father-in-laws birthday.  It was in Ogden and so I knew that probably meant I wasn't going to get to those things that just seem to keep getting shoved down to the bottom of my list only to reappear each week at the top of my list only to be transferred to the following week to the top again.  Sometimes I wonder if it's me or if the universe has taken a wrong turn and that has affected my productivity.  Truth is, I am ALWAYS busy.  I rarely (if ever) sit down and just chill.  I rarely find time to just sit and read a book or to watch TV.   I am always doing something.  But it still seems like I am not as productive as I used to be.  I know my running takes out a good chunk of my day, and this blog (believe it or not) is also a time stealer.  Of course, if I could eliminate all social media, internet searches, educational articles and talks, lesson preparation, photo updates and editing, then I would probably miraculously find all that lost time.  The internet has changed the way most of us live.  It's a blessing and a curse!  Okay, I got off track...but either way, I headed to Ruby River and joined in the party.  We had a good time and it was good to see Jules before she heads back to Las Vegas. 
Dave's Dad is such a great man.  He is always very happy and accepting of people.  He is easy to like and is a lot of fun.  He is one of the greatest and smartest men I know.  I feel fortunate I get to associate with him as a family member.  Even though I am not a "birth" daughter, I feel like one because he has made me feel that way. 

dear taylor (aka elder wilding), I am sorry to have to confirm your Querido John this week.  All is well, all is well.  At least it will be.  Just keep the focus.  You only have 8 more weeks!  WOW!  


dear run, I was supposed to go 10 miles to day and I only made it 9.5 - technically 8 because I walked a mile and a half.  I was just not feeling it today and it felt so labored and just plain tough.  I wonder if my body is telling me I am over-training.  I hope not because I am supposed to do 50 miles total this week!  But I did find a cool heart rock.  Thanks Tys! (I only ended up with 27.5 total this week- not good)



dear manic manican, nice digs this week.  I drove Mona by you today and she got as big of a kick out of you as I do. The home owner saw us laughing and waved at us.  I am sure he gets that reaction quite frequently.  Your wardrobe is getting a little more expansive... not to be confused with expensive.  hah


dear ogden temple open house, we actually had tickets for Wednesday but ended up going on Tuesday because that was Dave's day off.  Sadly, Bryce had to work and couldn't go with us. I was very disappointed about that. 


♪ I love to see the temple ♫
It was very beautiful!  I really loved the chandeliers.  Wow, they were amazing!  I still think the Brigham City temple is my favorite.  It is just more intricately detailed and more feminine.  This one was very beautiful but more refined and masculine.  But amazing.  We took McKay to Panda Express after but had to get it to go because he had to get to football practice.


dear 16 mile bike ride, holy cow for only being the second time out on my new bike, I got in some heavy duty miles today!  Only because Jen took me on a route she thought was shorter, but hey, one thing I have learned is that after the fact, you are always glad you went more miles.  I am not really used to the hard seat yet, but it felt much better than it did last week, so that was a plus.  We headed out west and just enjoyed the scenery.  The wind was brutal and we had a head wind for a good chunk of the miles.  But I still had fun and was glad I went that far.  I was actually surprised I went that far.  My legs were feeling it though.
Jen posted this one ↓ on Instagram and so I wanted to share it.  This was an accident because she had set her camera app to take our picture from behind (or so she thought).  It took this shot of us even though we were trying to get in front of the camera for a behind shot.  I think I like this view better anyway. 


dear football night for moms, how sad that this will be my last mother's night.  How sad that my baby is a senior.  I am having a hard time adjusting to that fact!  
Football night was a lot of fun as usual.  They had us rotate just like the team in doing warm ups.  One captain one way, another one another way.  I felt so buff when I did the push-ups like a boss. I didn't even bend my knees!  I think they had us do 10.  Or was it 7?  ☺  We then did some plays and caught some passes and learned some strategies and then went in the school to watch film.  That wouldn't have been so bad if the classroom hadn't smelled like a locker room that had been fumigated with every football player in the nation.  Oh, it was bad! 


My favorite part!  Love this boy!  Can't believe he is a big senior!


dear ward cleanup, as soon as we got done with Mother's Night at football, we headed to the ward cleanup.  We timed it just right as they were already finished with the clean up (JK!) and so we go there just in time for dinner.  The Bishop and Mont were grilling burgers and dogs.  It was yummy.  The sky got really dark and we could hear the rolling thunder and so it was a mad dash to get out of there.  It started to pour!  Fun!  I LOVE THE RAIN!  Especially in the summer!


dear power outage, wow this one lasted longer than any have for years.  Dave and I got home and since it had started to just pour, we went and sat out on the porch and watched the rain.  While we were sitting out there, the power went out.  It was dark.  The entire northeast part of the city lost power.  It was out for almost three hours.  We lit the candles (I had about four different scented ones all going at once - now that will give you a headache!) and made hot cocoa and then Dave and I played some silly motorcycle driving game on the Ipad.   It was really fun to just chill.  McKay had gone to a friend's house and so he missed out dang it.



dear reuniting with an old friend, old as in a long time ago - NOT old as in age. ☺ We are still young whippersnappers and will challenge anyone who disagrees!  hah  My friend Diane from high school sent me a message on Facebook saying she wanted to go out to lunch with me and catch up.  She is so cute and just the sweetest thing ever.  We met at Maddox (after having to rearrange times and dates a couple times) and it was like no time had passed at all.  We weren't best friends in high school, just friends, but we both attended Dixie College at the same time and we did some fun things while there, including a trip to Las Vegas with another high school friend Shauna (my roomie) and Denise (Diane's best bud).  We had car trouble on the way and we reminisced about that and it was so much fun.  She told me as we were walking to be seated that for the next two and half hours I was going to tell her everything about each of my boys.  And she wasn't kidding!  We were there for three hours and talked non-stop about our kids and lives now.  I also went to school with her husband Kory who is now a high school football coach.  We talked about her health, her job, her kids, her hub, my running, my health, my boys, Tyson, my hub and about books and how we deal with life.  It was just a lot of fun.  She is just adorable and I wish I had been a closer friend to her and for longer.  I always count Facebook as one of my greatest blessings because it has brought me back together with so many people that had faded out of my life.  She is one of them.
Isn't she adorable?
 Some oldies of us.  Diane brought these photos along!  I had already had some of them and had even added them to FB years ago before she was even on FB. Good laughs!

We are going to get together soon with Denise and go to lunch again.  I can't wait.


dear 16 mile solo bike ride, I was supposed to get in more running miles this week and I just couldn't do it.  I haven't had a week like this in forever.  I wonder if I didn't have my bike if I would have just ran anyway.  Probably.  But instead I took the bike out for another long ride.  I had fun just being by myself and exploring places.  It's so different riding a bike than running.  You notice smells much more than while running.  The top left photo is of a bowling ball plant and the smell that comes from that building always gets me just inhaling away!  I LOVE that smell!  It's like the smell of resin. Hot resin.  Wow, I love it!  Then I headed down a dirt road and was just riding along and I saw a snake right out in front of me and I had no time to swerve or stop but thanks to my VERY LOUD scream that scared him, he got away before he got tired.  Bike tired that is.  He ran into that bush (top right photo) so fast that I couldn't get a photo of him.  But he IS in there, trust me!
I took the picture on the bottom left because I had the worst experience there earlier this week.  It's a meat place and I have seen cows there before, in fact I once wrote about the cow that just started to bellow when I went by because he knew his fate.  This time I saw two cows in a fenced in corral thing and a guy with a long apron on and some big long blue thing in his hand.  He turned and saw me.  As soon as I was out of view I heard this loud CLICK sound.  Then 15 seconds later I heard it again.  I know he was out there killing both those poor cows.  I was probably the last thing they ever saw.  It really affected me more than I thought it would.  It just  makes me sad that animals have to sacrifice their lives for us.  Killing any living thing is so hard for me to handle. I just don't know how people do that for a living.  I can't even kill a spider.  And I HATE spiders!  There is just something sacred about life that screams it's wrong.  I know the other side of the story - that they were put here for us and all that stuff, but it still doesn't sit well with me.  Just breaks my heart.


dear mona, since you have been home from your rehab I could tell you needed to get out of the house, so I took you to lunch at the new Firehouse Pizzeria.  They had really good food.  I had to carb load for my race tomorrow and so I got the pasta which was pretty good and you got the pizza.  
 It was fun AND tasty!


dear first official football game of the season, we headed to Syracuse to play the Titans.  They are 5A and we are 4A and so I was kind of expecting a bit of a slaughter, but our boys did great!  Even though it was a down pour!  I mean it was coming down!  Those poor boys and cheerleaders!
 Those poor parents!  haha
 It was chilly and wet....
 The team did amazing!  They ended up tying 14-14 and going into overtime.  Then tying again and going into double overtime. Then tying AGAIN and going into triple overtime. I wasn't sure it was ever going to end!  Sadly, just when we really had it in the bag (only a measly few yards to score a TD and end it in our favor) when our QB got a flag and received a personal foul.  He deserved it.  One of the Titans grabbed his face mask and the refs didn't call it and so I'm not quite sure what he said or did, but it wasn't good.  He then stormed out of the lineup after getting the foul, yelling to our coaches that they grabbed his face mask.  But because of his little show of unbridled emotions, it cost us a 15 yard penalty and so we couldn't run it in at that point which resulted in him throwing a long pass and getting it intercepted.  Because of that we lost when we should have easily won.  Pretty sad.
 There are so many life lessons in sports and games.  This one in particular.  No matter what, we are going to have our face masks pulled.  It's just part of life.  People are going to do things to us that are against all the rules and sometimes not get called on it.  We have a choice to make.  We can let it go and accept it (our choice) or we can throw a temper tantrum and become bitter because we were not dealt with fairly (also our choice).  It's really all about choices.  We can also become bitter because of choices that others make that affect us directly.  Someone's choices can make us lose all that we have worked so hard for and it's completely out of our control.  We have the choice to let it destroy us or we can choose to just accept it and move on.  Life really is all about choices.  Choose well! 


dear top of utah half marathon, I got home late from the football game and still had a lot to do in prep for the race.  I set my alarm clock for 4:00 a.m. so I could pick up Jen and Robin by 4:30.  This race starts up Blacksmith Fork Canyon and ends in Providence.  We got our packets and then got on the buses and headed up.  We kept waiting for it to start raining, which we were all prepared for.  After running the Ogden full marathon in a downpour for 26.2 miles, I wanted to be sure I was going to be ready!  I took my rain jacket and dressed warmer than I had planned on.  We got to the start and immediately got in line for the porta potties.  Just one of those bare necessities for runners. hah While we were standing in line, I saw my friend Diane.  We caught up a bit and then Jen and I took off to run some miles before so we could count it as our long run.  Technically I was supposed to go 20 this day, even though I went 20 last week, but I am so behind that I knew I needed the miles.  So we took off and ran 3.5 miles.   It was still dark, but once we turned around and headed back, we saw this view! ↓  WOW!  Just wow! 
 We BARELY made it back in time for the start.  We had only about 30 seconds once we got back.  I ran and found the 1:50 pacers and we were off!  Just like that!  Those first two miles were the longest two miles in any long race I have ever ran!  They just dragged on and on.  Usually the first three or four seem to go by pretty fast.  I just attributed it the fact that I had already ran almost 4. I was really trying to push it but just couldn't stay with the 1:50's.  Then the 1:55's passed me.  But I stayed between them and the 2:00's until the last mile and a half.  My goal was about 1:55 (I think my PR for this half is 1:54) but I would have also been happy with a sub 2.  I saw my friend Diane pass me and then I passed her and then she passed me.  hah! I was on a good pace and even though it was really hard and kicking my hiney, I kept it up.  I just didn't want to see those 2:00 pacers come up behind me. Now I know why no one is ever happy to see you when you are pacing a race when you come up from behind.  They have been trying to beat you the entire time!  At mile 10, my legs just started to feel like heavy lead.  I felt like I wasn't even moving them.  I felt so slow.  Then they both started to feel numb. I have never experienced that feeling in a race before. Pretty odd.  But I kept pushing. I kept digging deep and then deeper.  I was struggling, but I did it.  I didn't even want to walk because even walking would have been too much and so I knew I just had to keep running.  Either that or collapse.  I have too much pride for that. haha   It was NOT fun.  I hated mile 10 -12 and just couldn't quit thinking of how bad I was feeling and that I had to run 26 POINT TWO miles in three weeks. I just couldn't even imagine being able to do that at the pace I was going, which was about the pace I will need to go.  It really put me in a depression! I just kept saying to myself, "How will I EVER go 26 when I feel like this now?!"  I blamed the extra miles at the start because even though half's are tough, I have never ran one feeling quite like this...(unless it's like childbirth and I just forgot!).  But I started to feel my legs again at mile 12 and even though I hated that last mile and just wanted to be done, I made it okay. I crossed the finish line at 2:01.  I ALMOST caught back up to the 2:00 pacers!  Almost...not quite.  I actually was okay with my time considering the horrible running week I've had AND the extra miles before.  That was a mistake and I'll never do that again!  It just made it feel so hard and long.  And I even got in an extra 1.5 after that!  Not full running - except when I ran back to find Jen because she text me and said she was struggling.  I told her I was coming to find her and run her in.  She had a bad run too.  But we did it.  

Right before Jen got to the finish line, I heard a lady on a bike yell out my name.  I couldn't believe it - it was Nancy!  I stopped running with Jen because I knew she would be fine at that point and ran over to Nancy.  She had been riding the course.  I am pretty sure I saw her up the canyon, I just didn't know it was her!  She is one of the few peeps that actually reads this blog!  Hi Nancy!  It was so good to see her and meet her in person!  I have NO idea how she recognized me with my hat on and everything but she did and I am so happy she did!  She is as cute and darling in person as she is on her blog! 

 I finished in 2:01. Placed 13th out of 57 in my age division.  286th out of 895.  And overall 580 out of almost 1400.  So even though I was frustrated and it was not my best time for this race, I am going to try and stay confident and happy about my time so I can go into the marathon with confidence instead of frustration. Let's hope I can do that.  I am SO nervous and actually scared now. I just do NOT want to feel the way I did today for another 8 miles!  I just need to tell myself even it is as bad as today, I can do hard things and I will be okay.  And it's NOT the end of the world if I don't BQ...even though it will feel like it!  I need to stay positive!  I kept telling myself that it's just a training run.  Not a race.  Your time isn't an issue.  I really should be happy with my time, and I am, I'm just not happy with how hard it was and how bad I felt to get that time. 

Notice the white glove in the photo.  I had taken it off and threw it in my race bag and that is what it looked like when I pulled it out!  Depicts how I felt to a tee! ☺ I about died laughing when I saw it!

 Love these cute girls!

I ran (literally) into old friends and met some new ones!  So much fun! 
On the left is Sherri who I was co-president of American Mother's Inc with several years ago.  In the middle is cute Nancy.  On the right is Diane whom I have known and worked with in AMI for over 20 years. She ended up beating me by a minute.  She's ran Boston, so I am glad I was even able to stay with her as long as I did. 
Jen and I ended up staying around FOREVER hoping to win a door prize. This race always gives out a treadmill and this year they were giving away THREE!  We were hoping and Jen had a feeling, but to no avail.  We came home empty handed, other than our medals!

We were almost home when we saw this...  yes it's a chicken crossing the road.  A pretty busy road too.  Kinda crazy!  It made me laugh.



dear four wheeler ride, this little excursion has been four years in the making!  We finally pulled it off!   After I got home from my race, Dave and I hurried and made hobo dinners and got all ready to go.  We headed up to Mantua to Docs Flats where we got on our machines and off to Willard Peak.  We weren't sure we were going to pull it off today either because it kept raining off and on and even down-poured for a bit.  But we kept hoping and it ended up being perfect weather, other than it was a bit chilly and I was really cold on the way up. We did get some rain, but not much. 
 Before the helmet hair.

Our very fun group.  
The Packers, Lindsey's, Parrish's, us, and the Herzogs.

 We made it to Inspiration point (aka Willard Peak) and it was SO windy up there.  We thought about walking over to Ben Lomond peak to see the goats, but I think we were all pretty cold and my legs were not liking me after the race. 
 Oh my it was beyond beautiful up there.  Just so pretty.  Mont saw a moose on the way down.
We stopped at a little campground and made two bonfires. One to get warm by and one to cook our tinfoil dinners in.  Oh man, those things tasted SO good!  Why is it that food just tastes so much better in the wilderness? 
 As we were gathering firewood we kept finding these weird looking things that reminded me of a witches broom.  I even rode one.  Lighted on fire too.  Go me.  Jen found me a good one to take home and she and Janzen were nice enough to haul it back on their four wheeler.  I want to spray paint it or do something to embellish it a bit so you can tell it's a witches broom and set it on my porch or give it to my friend Jamie who also loves Halloween.
 Yes, I'm a pyro.  Always have been.  Always will be.
As we drove back down, the stars were amazing!  So glorious! It wasn't as cold heading back as I thought it would be. I was really dreading that ride back, but Jen gave me her jacket liner that I could put on my legs and that helped so much!
Such a fun time!  I am so glad we finally pulled it off.  Now I just can't wait to do it again!

dear birthday, yep - I'm still celebrating!  Thanks to a dear friend who left this on my porch.  I plan to celebrate until the end of the month and even longer if possible!  hah

dear als ice bucket challenge, I have been nominated twice within in 30 minutes of each other - once by Candi Larson and again by Jody Briggs Snow.  I reluctantly accept this challenge and I will wholeheartedly nominate others for it!  I have 24 hours to get er' done or pay the big bucks! Oh man, I REALLY REALLY REALLY hate cold water! But it's for a good cause and so I will buck-et up (ha) and do it!  Stay tuned next week for the pictures.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Girl's Get Away!

In progress (check back soon!)

I went from the Testosterone Zone straight into the Estrogen Zone!

PARK CITY GIRL'S GET AWAY with KAREN and her GIRLS and their FRIENDS!



















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