Wednesday, December 2, 2015

10 Year Angelversary

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it has been ten years since I last held my sweet son Tyson in my arms as he passed away from this world into the next.  TEN years.  That seems impossible to me.  What seems even more impossible is the fact that he would be 27 years old now.  

I am struggling a bit more this year than most.  I am not sure why.  Every year is tough, but this one is a bit more brutal.  Maybe it's because it's the BIG TEN and for some reason reaching double digits makes me feel more reflective.  

Hard to believe it's been ten years since I last heard his voice or his laughter (aka giggle).  Ten years since I hugged him or heard him say I love you Mom.  Ten years since he came in my room each night and asked me if there was anything I needed before he went to bed. Ten years since I watched his love for his family, friends, animals, bunny Bandit, movies, Snicker bars, cereal, the beach, Hawaii, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, movie making, blowing up things, driving his car that he could barely see over the steering wheel, his little bro McKay whom he adored and his big bro Skyler whom he looked up to, as well as his bros Bryce and Taylor who he showed how to live life with fun and adventure.

Ten years since I lay awake all night sick with worry as I listened to him violently cough  fearing he was going to need to be admitted to the hospital once again.  Ten years since I sat by his side all day and night for weeks as he was confined to a small hospital room struggling to heal his lungs so he could go on with his life as normal as possible.  Ten years since I worried how I was going to balance the hospital stays with him and my time home with my other boys. Ten years since I watched him so bravely accept all the medical "procedures" and tests and needles and tubes and surgeries without even a single complaint.  Ever. Ten years since I watched him insert an NG tube up his nose each night to get the calories he needed to thrive and watch him laugh while he did it.  Sometimes it was Pull 'n Peel licorice he stuck up there because that was just so him. Ten years since I watched him faithfully do his time consuming treatments four times a day and take his large mass of meds that he was prescribed twice daily. Ten years since I watched him prepare for battle as he hid behind his hospital bed equipped with ice in a straw or silly string ready to attack his nurse or RT. Those that took care of him always said that he was their favorite and most fun patient.

Ten years. 

Every single day for the past ten years, I have missed that boy.  Every single day I have wondered what he is doing up in heaven.  Every single day I have thought of the blessing he was in my life and in everyone's life that he touched.  And he touched many.  He was a shining light and the bright spot for many people during his short stay here. 

Because of his short 17 years on this earth, so many lives have been richly blessed by his influence and example.  I will forever be grateful that I had those 17 years with that incredibly brave, courageous, hilarious, witty, happy, tough, smart, artistic, creative, silly, mischievous, adorable, loving, wise beyond years son of mine.  

17 years was much too short a time to spend with him, but I am deeply grateful we got that long.  I am grateful for my knowledge that I will see him again and that families are forever.  I look forward to enjoying his fun personality and crazy antics for eternity!

Tyson bud...I love and miss you so much but I know you are doing great things in heaven and I know you are happy to be free from the hardships of this life caused by a sick physical body — even though you would have endured even that for as long as necessary.  I am so blessed to have the honor of being your mother.  It has been my greatest honor.  I will forever be grateful I was able to take care of you and was blessed with the opportunity to love you with all my heart while you were on this earth for those 17 short years.  You are one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.  

I have no doubt you are keeping all the other angels on their toes with your pranks and shenanigans!  Heaven would not be heaven without you there.  Keep up the good work!  
Until me meet again...

Love eternally, 


Audrey said...

What a beautiful tribute!

Jodi Wilding said...

Thank you Audrey! And thanks again for your visit and yummy treat. I would say you have no idea how much that means to me, but you DO know! It's no fun to be in this club, but glad we are in it together.

Nancy Mc said...

This post had me in tears from the title. A special, beautiful tribute to your son. It is such a blessing to know that families really can be together forever.

Dawn said...

I cried reading this just like I do every year or whenever you talk about your cute boy. He left this life before I really got attached to you but I feel like I know him. I guess it's no different from your other boys though since I have really never met them but love them all because they are yours! Tyson is still a blessing... I love you Sweet Friend!

Jodi Wilding said...

Thank you Nancy. I appreciate your kind words. That is my greatest comfort to know I will see him again.

And Dawn, you are so sweet to love him and my boys even though you haven't met them. Tyson would have loved you. He was a lot of fun like you are. Love you too!


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