What I Know For Sure (Be That One Person)

Last week I happened upon this quote:

"I don't think there is a more important person to be."  That is a bold statement, but I think it is 100% right.  This quote spoke to me because I have always wanted to be the kind of person that lifts others up and makes them feel important.  It's not always an easy thing to do, and try as I might, I often fail....  Technically, I guess it IS easy, just not always comfortable.  

I started to write this blog post and then I got busy trying to catch up the rest of my blog, so I didn't take the time to finish it.  I left it open though, so I would be reminded to do it...but that's as far as it got.  Then this morning, when I was checking my Facebook, I saw that my friend Dawn had posted basically the same quote!  

The background on hers was more eye catching than the one on top, but as soon as I saw it I thought she must have got it from my weekly post called Monday Memos because of the timing of it all and then reformatted hers to be cuter.  I went back and looked at the quotes I posted and it wasn't one of them.  That meant she found it somewhere else and was moved enough by it to post it.  Sometimes I need to get hit over the head to recognize Heavenly Father's prompts, but not this time. To me, it was a confirmation that maybe I needed to finish this post and not leave it in my "drafts" folder to get buried in the abyss.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had a special place in my heart for the underdog.  After I received my Patriarchal Blessing, I knew why.  It is part of my mission while here.  And I truly believe it is part of every single person's mission.  We are here to lift each other and bear one another's burdens. I have a deep longing to reach out to the less fortunate and those who need, though I am not always sure how to help.  My heart is filled with love and charity for the lowly and one of my deepest desires is that everyone will be happy.  Yeah, that's a tall order.  But I still wish it.

I have also always been drawn to and have a deep love for little children.  It breaks my heart when I see any of them with less than ideal circumstances.  One of the reasons I went into Child Development was so I could be a light of hope for those little ones who didn't receive the kind of treatment they deserved at home.  I worked in a preschool for over four years and it was heart breaking to witness what some of those children had to endure. Little children shouldn't have to be in want of love.  When I volunteered in my son's classrooms over the years, I tried very hard to give encouragement to those who appeared sad (or even angry since anger is frequently a secondary emotion of sadness) and were obviously in need of a caring human.  Sadly, there was always at least one in every class.  So many children come from such rough and abusive homes and it's heart wrenching to see.  But even one kind word can make a world of difference in their lives.

Rewind back to 4th grade.  We had just moved and I didn't know many of my classmates.  I will never forget one of the girls in my class.  She was thin and frail and dressed in worn and tattered clothes.  Her hair was short, unevenly cut and rarely combed.  She had no friends and didn't always smell too pleasant, so as you can imagine, the other kids made fun of her.  My heart ached for her.  I couldn't bare to see her so lonely and hurt by the cruel words of others and so I befriended her.  I was her only friend.  I wish I had kept a journal back then, because I don't remember what happened to her, and my only memory of her is of 4th grade.  I don't remember her in high school or any other time.  

Then one day I saw her name on Facebook. I looked at her profile to see if it could possibly be the same person and it was.  I friend-ed her and could tell right away that her life had been tough.  But she seemed happy (not that Facebook can really prove that) and I was just grateful she was still doing okay (as far as I could tell from Facebook).  

I share that story not to boast that I reached out to her, but because I have often wondered what would have become of her if no one had been nice to her?  Would she have become a lost cipher and end up dead or worse?  I will never know.  I will never know if my small act of kindness even had an impact on her.  I truly hope it did.  I hope in someway it helped her to feel like she was worthy of love from others.
 
Even if my small token of kindness did not change her life in any way, it changed mine.  It made me more compassionate and a more loving person.  I could not have lived with myself if I had not reached out to her.  I know that if Jesus had been in our classroom, that little unkempt girl would have been the first person He would have spoken to.  And I genuinely want to be more like Him.

But it goes deeper than that.  

It's much easier to be kind to those who tug at our heart strings and make us feel compelled to reach out and help them, than it is to go out of our way and say something nice to those who might have offended us or seem to have their ducks all in a row and are the picture of happiness.  But those people also need kindness shown to them.  I think we often overlook the people who seem to have it all together and don't go out of our way to show extra kindness to them because they don't appear to "need" it.  But truly, don't we all need it?

We live in a world that loves to judge, criticize, and condemn.  I don't believe there is one single person on our planet, no matter how wealthy, how many friends they have, how wonderful their family is, or how many parties they get invited to, that doesn't need to hear someone say something nice to them. ONE NICE THING.  It can be the thing that changes their day, their outlook, or their entire life.  There is power in the words we say to others.  And there is even more power when that one nice thing comes amidst many unkind things they may be hearing from others. Kind words will be remembered.

It's easy to say unkind things to others or to say nothing at all.  But it's an art to be the person who finds that one nice thing to say when no one else does.

I hope those reading this will try to master that art.  It's a lofty goal for sure, but I hope we can at least improve on it and be the ones with something nice to say when we see someone that looks insecure, unsure of themselves, uncomfortable, or left out.  It's not hard to find those people.  We are surrounded by them.  Adults and children alike.  Sometimes they can be spotted easily.  They may look outwardly sad or angry.  But other times you have to really look.  Often they wear a pasted smile on their face and force a brave appearance.  

One thing I know for sure, EVERYONE can use a kind word!  Those words are never wasted. 

I am grateful for the people in my life who take the time to say nice things to me.  The ones who make me feel special and important and are genuinely excited to see me. I know how good it makes me feel when I am treated with kindness by others and I know that we can all become those people who scatter kindness.  Kindness is contagious. Let's start spreading it around like there is no limit to it, because there isn't! 

That I know for sure. 

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE

My youngest son (yes - by baby!) just left to serve an LDS church mission to Vladivostok Russia for two years.  He is currently in Provo Utah at the Missionary Training Center for a total of nine weeks to learn the language before he flies to Russia.  He told us in his first couple of letters that he didn't realize when he left how much he loves us and how much he would miss us.  He said that he was even homesick for the first few days.  He is tough kid and he is doing great, but I know it has to be so hard to adjust to such an enormous and overwhelming life change and so I wrote him a letter with some suggestions on how to deal with the hard things he has before him and to deal with any homesickness he might have. I am not sure why, but I had a feeling I was supposed to post it on my blog.  Maybe down the road someone who is struggling will read it and it will help them.  Who knows?  

For whatever reason, here are some things that I KNOW FOR SURE that I wrote to him in my letter:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear McKay,

You survived that first brutal week!  I am so proud of you!  I know it's hard.  I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for how hard it is going to be.  I am glad you are focusing on "Forgetting yourself and going to work!"  because that is really the best thing you can do.  I thought about what I could say that might help you when things get hard.  And trust me, they will get hard(ER) again.  But you have proved you can do hard things because you have been taught to do hard things and you have done so many hard things already.  I wanted to share with you some ways that I get through hard things in my own life in hopes that down the road it may help you.

First of all, if you get homesick just remember that is NORMAL! It shows that you had a great home and that you were loved and well taken care of. If you don't experience some homesickness, I would seriously be worried! And, trust me...every single missionary is going to experience some homesickness, so when you do, remember you are not alone. The first few weeks are always the hardest but it will get better. It's easy to get homesick even when you are away from home for a few days or weeks, but when you have left for two years, that is a little bit overwhelming to think about.

Here are just a few suggestions to help you when things get hard:

**TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Don't think too far in the future because that's too overwhelming.  When I run a marathon, I am in big trouble if at mile one or two I start to think that I still have 24 more miles to go. Mentally it messes with me and makes those miles ahead seem so unbearable because 26 miles is SO far! Just as two years is SO long. I have to STAY IN THE MILE THAT I AM IN. When I do that, and just think about that mile and focus on that particular mile, then each mile just comes and goes and before I know it, I have crossed the finish line. Two years is a long time, but in the eternal scheme of things, it really is a very short time. And I promise you, it WILL go fast. Just think about ONE DAY AT A TIME and what your goals are for that day.  Just make it through that one day. There have been times in my life when things were tough, like when Tyson was sick, that I had to take it just ONE HOUR at a time. Don't let the future overwhelm you. 

**DON'T WORRY ABOUT THINGS AT HOME.  We are all doing really well. That first week was really hard for us not having you here and feeling the hole you left, but Heavenly Father has blessed us all with peace and comfort knowing you are where you are supposed to be and that you were supposed to go when you did. I was not sure I would survive that first week, but now I am at total peace and I am so happy you are serving the Lord and I know we are going to start receiving some awesome blessings for your sacrifice and service. It's hard to be away and you may feel like you are missing out on things, but you have to try not to think about home and try to not be worried about what is happening at here. There isn’t anything that you’re missing at all! You are not missing ONE THING by being on your mission. And don't worry about any of us because first of all, worry can't change a thing and second of all, it is out of your control and to worry about things that you have no control over is just a waste of energy that you need to put elsewhere. Pray to Heavenly Father to help you not worry about things and ask Him to ease your mind of that burden.  He will.

**WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL. Writing is really good therapy and if you can write about how you are feeling, it will really help you.  Sometimes just getting your feelings out on paper is is the only help you need.  Take advantage of your journal and write in it every single day.

**BE GRATEFUL.  I tell you this all the time, but when you are struggling with anything in life, STOP and FOCUS on what you have to be grateful for. If you are feeling homesick, then think about how blessed you are that you have a home that makes you feel that way. Also focus on the fact that you were able to go on a mission. Think how sad you would have been if you couldn't have served due to health or worthiness issues. For me, when running gets hard, I think about those who can't run and I run for them. You can think about Tyson and how bad he wanted to serve a mission and because you are, he will get to experience it too. HE WILL BE WITH YOU. If you need extra help just say a prayer that he can be near you...and he will be. President Thomas S. Monson said that the Lord has promised His blessings on the missionaries. “Each missionary who goes forth in response to a sacred call becomes a servant of the Lord, whose work this truly is. Do not fear, young men, for He will be with you. He never fails. He has promised: ‘I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.’” 

**SERVE OTHERS.  Even while in the MTC if you can just do little things for your companions, then that will help you forget about yourself which is always the magic cure-all for everything. Polish his shoes, iron his shirt, make your companion’s bed while he is in the shower.  Put on a happy face and take control. Serving them will also help with being able to deal with feeling that you have nothing in common. Let people who aren’t like you just entertain you. Don’t worry if you don’t relate perfectly to them, just find something humorous about things they do and say.  Accept their little idiosyncrasies. None of your companions will be just like you and that’s OK.  Try and be their favorite companion and you will find that you will love them and they will love you.

**WORK HARD!  As you keep writing in your letters the quote from President Hinckley's dad when he was on a mission, "FORGET YOURSELF AND GO TO WORK!" Work truly is the thing that will help you the most. I like President Benson’s statement to newly-called mission presidents in 1982: “One of the greatest secrets of missionary work is work! If a missionary works, he will get the Spirit; if he gets the Spirit, he will teach by the Spirit; and if he teaches by the Spirit, he will touch the hearts of the people and he will be happy. There will be no homesickness, no worrying about families, for all time and talents and interests are centered on the work of the ministry. Work, work, work—there is no satisfactory substitute, especially in missionary work”. 

**REMEMBER..."This too shall pass."  No matter what we struggle with in life, it will eventually pass.  The scriptures say "it came to pass", not to "stay".  Sometimes it might pass painfully like a kidney stone, hah, but it WILL pass! Just concentrate on studying and working. The bad times will pass. Your mission will go so fast. Just enjoy it! I love Ammon, he was one of the great missionaries of the Book of Mormon.  He faced some serious trials on his mission. Recording the Lord’s words to him and his missionary companions at a time of deep discouragement, he wrote: “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success” (Alma 26:27).  Sometimes we just have to bear it with patience, but success will come as it did for them.  Success will come for you as a faithful missionary after you patiently persist in doing the work you have been called to do. Sometimes there is nothing you can do in the hard times except to wait them out. Just try to relax and don’t worry about so many things. Hard things help you grow. They really shape who you are. You just have to face them with a good attitude and realize they are making you a better person, even if it doesn’t feel like it. 

**PRAY!  Prayer is something that you can do anytime in your mind and heart.  It can immediately calm you and it can give you the faith you need that your Heavenly Father is beside you.  Prayers are always heard and answered.  Maybe not in our way or on our timeline, but they are still heard and answered.  I love what the Bible dictionary says about prayer:  "As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7: 7-11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them.  Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings."

I know these suggestions work for I have applied them all in my life.  I also know they will work for you in the mission field.  I also know that Heavenly Father is willing and wanting to bless you.  But, you must ASK first.  When you get on your knees, explain to your Heavenly Father how you feel. Tell Him how you want to succeed but need His help to keep things in an eternal perspective. Promise Him that you’ll do everything in your power if He will help you through this time. Then get up off your knees and go to work!!! 

I LOVE YOU MCKAY! I have total faith that you are going to be one of the greatest missionaries that has ever "preached the gospel".  Just keep telling yourself that YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS because YOU CAN!  You will be okay and when it gets hard just remember to TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME,  DON'T WORRY, WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL, BE GRATEFUL, SERVE OTHERS, WORK HARD, REMEMBER HARD TIMES WILL PASS, PRAY and never forget how blessed you are that you were called on a mission! YOU CAN DO THIS! 

Love, Mom :) 
Moshna

What I Know For Sure

With Mother's Day this weekend, I have been thinking a lot about motherhood.  Motherhood has been something that I have been passionate about even before I was a mother.  I remember when I was in second grade bringing home a book titled I Want to be a Homemaker.

That book spoke to me.  I think I was born with the knowledge embedded deep in my soul that being a mother was my calling in this life.  I knew that I needed to learn all I could about it and be the best mother I could be.  I never had high aspirations of having a career outside of the home (motherhood IS a career after all!) and so in college I graduated in Child Development and Family Science/Food and Nutrition.  My education served me well as a mother and homemaker.  But...there is nothing that can be taught on a campus or in books that can prepare you for the actuality of motherhood and for each individual child.  That all comes via experience.  However, I am deeply grateful that I was able to study and learn all I did and it helped me out immensely as a stay at home mom.  
 
I definitely had high aspirations of motherhood.  Then I had children.  

I wanted to be that kind of mother I watched from the sidelines, I wanted to be the perfect textbook mother, I wanted to be the Mother of the Year, I wanted to be the mother described from the pulpit on Mother's Day.  But giving birth somehow got in the way of that.  While in the trenches I was anything but the perfect textbook mother or the mother lauded from the pulpit.  I was just trying to figure out how to potty train without losing my mind, trying not to get buried and suffocated by the laundry avalanche, trying to keep meals on the table three, four, five, six times a day that had somewhat nutritional value for five growing boys, trying to deal with all the messes and the dirt.  So. much. dirt.  And basically do it all by myself. While Dave was in medical school and his internship and residency, I was all but a single mom.

It was all about daily survival keeping my brains intact.  I often wondered why it seemed so easy in the textbooks before I had children.   

When Dave was in medical school and I was basically a single mother at home with three little boys, I was fortunate enough to hear about an organization called American Mothers Inc. (AMI).   One of my best friends was a member and so I ended up joining as well.  That organization is what saved me during those tough years of medical school.  It gave me the support I needed as a mother. It also inspired me to want to be the kind of mother that those I met in that organization were.  Those women were the cream of the crop of motherhood.  It was one of those blessings that I will be forever grateful for.  It also gave me the avenue to pursue my passion for motherhood and to help other mothers also find that passion.  

I LOVE AMERICAN MOTHERS!!! 

You will too!

Go online and search in Google for your local chapter!  You will be glad you did! So will your sanity!!!

What I Know For Sure

As I was sitting in a waiting room last week at a wisdom teeth consult for my son McKay, I picked up Oprah's O Magazine and was thumbing through it.  I haven't ever really read her magazine cover to cover as far as the hard copy version, though I have read several articles from the online version.  As I was perusing it, I came across this page:

For some reason it inspired me to want to do my own What I Know For Sure post.  So welcome to the first edition of What I Know For Sure.  I may not have the audience, the know how, the circle of influential friends, and of course not the budget that Oprah has, but I do have my own life experience and I enjoy writing about those happenings.  I haven't yet decided if it will be a monthly, bi-monthly, or weekly post yet.  That may have to wait until I figure out if there is anything I really know for sure!  But for now, here is the first installment: 

Gratitude.

That one little word has had the biggest impact on my life in ways I can't even begin to explain.  

I have often said that gratitude is like magic.  It has the power to change your life.  It has the power to release pain.  It has the power to create happiness.  It has the power that I only wish I had known when I was much younger. 

My love – okay worship – for this word came shortly after I lost my 17 year old son Tyson nine years ago.  I mean I had always been taught to be grateful and I also taught my five boys that I expected them to be grateful for all they had.  We even kept a family gratitude journal and I kept many of my own personal gratitude journals.  But until I lost Tyson and was forced to deal with pain that I had never experienced before – the kind of pain that I didn't realize even existed until then – the kind of pain that brings you to your knees and makes you beg for relief – I had no clue how powerful gratitude really was.  

What I know for sure is that life is going to bring us all to a few of those on your knees kind of moments.  Those moments where you completely give in and tell Heavenly Father that you can't do this on your own and you have no idea how you are going to get through each day without some form of help.  Moments (sometimes hours, sometimes even days or weeks) when you desperately seek for relief of some kind and beg the heavens for an answer on how to find it.  No matter who you are, you will have those moments.  It's really why you are here.  To be tested.  And those tests are not for sissys. 

I have had many of those moments.  Most of mine have been since losing my precious son.  Though some were during that process of his long term illness before he passed.  Because of those moments (and there were many and sometimes there still are) I have a sure knowledge that no matter how bad we think things are, no matter how low we get, no matter how much we want our pain to go away, there is always a sure way to feel better.  Almost instantly. 

Gratitude.

Gratitude is the impetus that can make all the difference.  

But it isn't as simple as it sounds.  It is work.  Hard work.  It takes practice. But it is worth every effort and time given.  When we are able to stop and focus our thoughts towards seeking for what there is in our pain to be grateful for – IN THAT MOMENT –  the magic takes over.  

Then it becomes easy.  Once the magic takes over, the pain lessens.  Happiness arrives. 

There is always something we can find in any circumstance to be grateful for.  

Someday I believe scientists will find a formula, or some scientific reason how this magic works, but until they do, trust me on this one.☺

It's one thing I know for sure.