Happy in the Hard

*I published on a post a few weeks ago another article I wrote titled "Expect Miracles".  This is a different version of that, but with some repeats.  This one will be published on the American Mother's state website.

Happy in the Hard

Last year my longtime dream of running the Boston Marathon came to fruition for the second time. I was on cloud nine with great hopes of running it yet again in the future. Then, without warning, things took a sharp turn. Adversity seemed to strike in the blink of an eye without notifying me or alerting me it was on its way.

One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Martha Washington, who said, “I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances.”

I always thought I believed that, but then life happened.

I’ve always tried to maintain a high level of fitness and health, but I learned firsthand that life is fragile and no matter how much we take care of ourselves, our bodies can still sell us out and surprise us with things we never anticipated.

Beginning in the late November last year, I was told I had a herniated disk. While I was trying to process that in my mind and how it would affect me as a runner I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That news came out of nowhere. Then two weeks before Christmas a fun family outing resulted in a snowmobile crushing my right leg from the knee to my ankle, breaking my fibula and tearing all my ligaments. At the time I did not fully realize the extent of the damage or how long the recovery would be. Showing up three days later for my cancer surgery in a wheelchair was not part of my plan. The surgery went as well as could be expected, but the following day I was diagnosed with blood clots in my leg. You could say I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but also very grateful the clots were discovered (thanks to my physician husband) which literally saved my life. Still, I was unable to walk or put any weight on my leg and so I was basically laid up for several months. Not wanting to be left out of the party I was having, my mom was rushed to the hospital with chest pain and ended up having a quadruple bypass on Christmas Eve. Due to my current situation, I regretfully was unable to be there. How grateful I was that her 99% blockage hadn’t resulted in any permanent damage.

With my mom’s trauma under control my focus centered on treating my breast cancer.  Having had friends go through chemotherapy and radiation, I had an unsettling fear and worry about the whole process.  Although my surgeon was fairly certain I would need chemotherapy, I was grateful when my oncotype score revealed I would only need five weeks of radiation. During this time I was also diagnosed with severe osteoporosis, but my oncologist still insisted I be on hormone therapy pills for the next 10 years. Despite all that, the relief of not being subjected to chemotherapy was perhaps the best Christmas present I have ever received.

My activity came to a complete stop as I convalesced for the next several months. This was foreign to me. I had to use a walker for the very little activity I could do, like getting in the shower or going to doctor appointments and radiation treatments at the Huntsman. Just putting on a single sock in the morning took a good five minutes or more. It was rather comical. I began to see how much I took for granted in my pre-injured life and was filled with deep gratitude for all the things I could still do. 

It wasn’t all bad however. Being forced to slow down in my daily life was actually kind of sweet. I just pretended that I was in a luxurious spa every day where people brought me three meals a day and took care of all my previous obligations, while I sat around watching old movies and catching up on my reading. Truth be told, I actually did very little reading because it took too much brain power. My brain was working overtime trying to heal a very long list of ailments and there was little energy left in it for much else. Kind of how motherhood makes you feel at times!  However, it was a nice respite from the fast paced life I was used to and not having a to-do list other than healing was freeing.

Despite the slower pace, this was a very challenging and frustrating time for me, but I knew I had a choice in how I responded. Early on I decided that I was going to focus on three things as I tried to patiently endure. I was going to approach this time with positivity, gratitude and humor. It wasn’t always easy, but making that decision going into it really helped me pull through some rough patches and made it possible to find happiness in the hard.

In March I received news that my talus (ankle) bone had died due to a lack of blood flow. The specialist called it avascular necrosis (AVN). He told me that due to the injury I would no longer be able to run. I was devastated. Those who know me know that is even worse than asking me to give up chocolate!  Running is one of my greatest blessings.  It is my therapy. Despite this news, I was filled with deep gratitude that I would at least walk normally again. However, the stubbornness in me chose to focus on the hope that I would run eventually.

In June I decided to see another specialist to get a second opinion and a new MRI. Thankfully, after much prayer and fasting, this doctor told me that my ankle was alive and there were no signs of AVN. I was gratefully stunned at the miracle I had received. As I write this, things are starting to get back to normal, and even though running is still in the far distant future, I am filled with gratitude that it is now a possibility.

Circumstances in life are not always ideal.  In fact, most of the time they aren’t. So, how can we still be happy when life gets hard?

We all have challenges in our lives and we will have more in the future. That is a given. Most of them we can’t change or control. We can only control how we choose to react to them. One thing we know for certain is that we all only have a limited number of days here on earth. Each day we can either choose to focus on what we don’t have or focus on all we do have and be grateful for it. If we put our focus on gratitude and being positive, we can learn to laugh through our toughest challenges and we will feel the joy. 

In my home I have a sign with a quote by Gordon Hinckley. It says, “In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”  That is pure wisdom right there, but ofttimes, we think we are only going to find joy once our trials and hardships are removed, when the truth is joy can be found  right in the midst of our adversity. Happiness is in the journey.  Cherish the moments.

Time is so precious. Life is a gift. It is truly a miracle. It is ours for the embracing. Embrace it. Enjoy it. And while doing so reach for and find that joy despite what your circumstances may currently be. The choice is yours.

“Joy is a mystery because it can happen anywhere, anytime, even under the most unpromising circumstances, even in the midst of suffering, with tears in its eyes....”

― Frederick Buechner

*Monday Memos*

*MONDAY MEMOS*

   

 (If pictures are too small, just click to enlarge) 
Weekly recap of my rather crazy, insane, but fun and rewarding life!

dear monday, I went to PT this morning. Good news...I am still at a minus 4 on my knee.  Bad news... I am unable to sit Indian style still and he said that is a hip issue.  I think everything totally atrophied. Such is life. 

I hurried home and got changed and headed to O town to go to lunch for my bday with Karen and Mickey.  We had a yummy lunch and of course Caramel Bread pudding for dessert that we shared.  She gave me cute Halloween decors for my bday.  I ran to Deseret Book to return something and headed home and tried to catch up on this but I am not sure I ever will because I am about a month behind now!

dear tuesday, today I got out on a walk and it felt so good to just be outside in nature.  Good vibes!

My mom came over and Carson and I had fun with her before swim lessons.  We then all went and watched Carson.  He is so stinkin' cute.  

We headed to the kid movie right after. Sarah came with us.  Grammy bought Carson treats, popcorn, and a hot dog, and during the movie - which happened to be one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen - (called Wonder Park) Carson got sick.  We left in a hurry once it was over and bagged going to lunch but stopped and grabbed some $5 pizzas at Little Ceasars. Carson started to feel a bit better. My mom hung out with us for quite a while.  

I am not getting much accomplished lately.  I am so far behind on this and I have SO many photos that I am not sure I will ever catch up!  UGH!  So frustrating. I went over to Bonnie's to deliver a gift since it was her Mom's angelversary today.  I was going to just drop it off quick but we got talking. She invited me in and we talked for almost an hour and a half.  It was nice. I really enjoyed it.  She is one of my most favorite people.  I will miss them when Brad retires.  

dear wednesday, I went on a walk this morning.  I wish I was getting in more miles but walking takes so much more time than running.  But, I am just grateful I can do it.  I do enjoy the time to think and listen to podcasts.  I also found several pennies!  I look like the Jolly Green Giant in my shadow. 

I went and watched Carson again at his swim lessons.  He is so dang cute.  Pretty sure he's not learning squat, but it is what it is.  

I then headed to Costa Vida and met a bunch of the ladies in the ward for lunch.  It was for August bday's and sending Anita off.  We had a huge group of 11 or 12.  I chatted with Bonnie and Cheryl and Julie and Elaine.  The others were so far down it was hard to talk.  It was fun. Leslie brought me a bday gift. She is so kind.

I then headed to Wallies and got some stuff for the Brinlee's cake.  I was there way too long.  I stocked up on cereal because Skyler loves it.

Sarah, Carson and I went to the stake pool party.  The line was huge but it went pretty fast.  We chatted with Pres. Allred and his wife. They are so sweet. There wasn't a ton from our ward but it was fun. We sat by the twins and I talked to Cheryl and Laina.  Then Carson took off with the twins and got in line and Dave showed up. I visited with him and more peeps and then joined Sarah and Carson at the pool. I wished I had worn my swimsuit because it was so hot.  It would have felt so good.  I haven't been swimming in ages.  We hung out and chatted.  Nice night.  Carson found me a penny at the bottom of the pool.  Score again!

dear thursday, today I got in a walk around the high school.  It was a nice day but pretty warm. I am not complaining because I know very soon it is going to be chilly. I prefer the heat.  

I went to Carson's last swimming lesson.  It is a bit frustrating because they are not teaching them much. When my boys were there they learned a lot.  And when my boys were lifeguards and teachers they taught a lot. Things have drastically changed. It is not worth the money. I have heard that from others but figured it would be better than nothing.  Carson has gotten braver but only from being around the other kids.  I saw the manager sitting there and I really wanted to complain to him but knew it would do no good.  

Carson inching his way to jump off the diving board. He did it!

I headed to Smiths to grab some stuff for Dave's parents dinner tonight. I came home and made 5 lbs worth of meatballs.  I froze some and the others I made in to Waikiki meatballs.  

I made the rest of the meal and it took much longer than I had planned.  I didn't get much else done.  I took the dinner to his parents and they were sweet and we chatted for a bit.  I came home and everyone ate at different times because everyone had places to be.  We then went to Carson's first flag football game.  It was hilarious!  I love little kids. They crack me up.  

It brought back memories of when my boys were that age and how innocent and cute.  I remember Bryce's first soccer game that he was chasing butterflies on the field totally oblivious to the game and how the kids would stay in a swarm at that age.  Pretty cute.  Carson did run the ball and almost scored a touchdown but ended up going out of bounds. 

Here he is hiking it!  It's so hilarious! Most of the kids were pretty clueless.  Hah  No surprise since they haven't even had a single practice.
Carson made me a "present".  He's so sweet!

dear friday, today I headed to the high school but the track was full with the team and cheerleaders again and so I walked around the school and to Forest.  It was another scorcher.  I came home and the plan was to get Brinlee's cakes baked but when I pulled in I noticed how many fingerprints were on the garage cabinets and I decided to clean them.  That led to cleaning the hunting closet which led to cleaning the other two cabinets next to them which led to cleaning the floor of the garage which led to cleaning the two fridges out there which led to cleaning the other stuff next to the fridges and on top of them which led to cleaning out my trunk.  If you give a mouse a cookie... I was out there for about four hours.  I needed to be out there for another four weeks to get it all done.  I am always embarrassed by the garage but I honestly can't take the blame.  A few years ago Sky cleaned the entire thing and within a few months it was back to a disaster again.  I struggle with it being messy. Mainly because you could eat off the floor of my Dad's.  He is Mr. Clean. But, I have also learned you can't change people from who they are.  You can only ask them nicely to clean it knowing full well it will be a temporary fix.  I then took a shower and then got to the cakes. I think I made way too many. I thought the photo was a three layer cake (six total because it's two tiers) but now I think it was only two layers.  And one of my three 8" layers did not come out of the pan well and so I had to make another one!  I made four 8" layers.  But, I used the rest of the batter to make cupcakes for the family reunion tomorrow so it all worked out.  I ended up making 7 layers (four 8" inch and three 6" inch as well as 18 cupcakes.  That's a lot of cake!

Grammy and Grampy stopped by.  They had stopped at the apartment so Grampy could help Sky with an electric issue. My Dad is an electrician by trade.  They brought Carson back with them.  We visited.

McKster gets back tonight! I am so excited. I got the nicest text (but also kind of sad) from CJ today:

McKay and CJ at a pro game

Their game in Atlanta?

I love this plant but only when it's blooming. Otherwise it looks like a weed.

 We won't go into what this one looks like!  Hah

Straight from the garden.

dear saturday, McKay got home late last night!  It is so good to have him back finally!  His hair is long and he hasn't shaved for a long time and is kind of scruffy, but still so cute.  We all really missed him!   Especially Carson.

I didn't get out on a walk. I got up early and started on Brinlee's cake.  I got the icing made and started to decorate it.

I changed it up a bit via suggestions from Sarah.  She always has good ideas and so I did some purple along with the pink in the ombre flowers.  I hope Brinlee and Haylie like it.  

I got it pretty much done with the exception of the jewels on top since I have to go buy those today.  

I decided to take cupcakes and fruit to the fam reunion this afternoon.  I had lots of cake leftover and lots of frosting. So I made cupcakes to take to the reunion.  

Bryce and crew stopped by.  They weren't here very long, but I couldn't talk Bryce into coming.  Dave, me, Sarah, and Carson went to the reunion.  It was at Angie's house in Hooper.  McKay was in Logan getting stuff ready for school, Sky was working, and Bryce and Haylie were available but Bryce did not want to come.  Dave didn't either but I told him they only do this maybe once every 5-10 years at most and I just spent three days at his fam reunion.  Heck, I go to his even when he doesn't.  It was fun visiting with the peeps I never see.  There was a ton of really good food too. 

 Kailani was so stinkin' cute. She calls me "Go-gee".  Love that girl!  

Angie told stories of when we were growing up and hanging out with Jerry.  It was funny.  She talked about when we broke the Tijuana keys on my mom's wall and had to go in Jerry's car with Brian Blue to get glue.  And when I dragged her to WSU to a college dance one Saturday when I was babysitting her.  I also found out Gordon is the mayor of Uintah. The things you learn that you didn't know.  Cathy brought the tablecloth that everyone signs at every reunion.  My name is on it several times before I was married.  It was kind of cool.  None of my boys have ever made it to one of these but I signed their names a couple times anyway.  My cat Lightning and dog Prince were even on there. It's probably 50 years old!  I had Sarah and Carson sign it, as well as Dave, but now one will ever know it's his name. Hah

We headed out and ran to Michael's to grab some jewels for Brinlee's cake.  I was happy the cake was all done with the exception of that.  

McKay took Carson to the park to ride bikes.  I walked to meet them and then I took Carson back to the park and got in a couple miles walking.  The sky was pink tonight.  

We just kind of hung out the rest of the night. Carson tried on some school clothes Old Navy sent Sarah. She gets several packages a day of free things because she is an Instagram influencer. It's fun to see all the stuff she gets.  She has almost half a million followers.

dear sunday, we went to church and I didn't have to teach today, but of course we only had one Sunbeam.  It was Liesl and she doesn't like to be the only one.  She basically didn't talk the entire lesson and had her head down.  LOL  Pat brought Smarties from England but they are chocolate.  

We came home and Bryce and crew stopped by. Haylie was putting together the loot bags for the party. Brinlee liked her cake.  

Brinlee opened her gifts from us.  I gave her a princess mirror, a Baby Alive (purple with a crown), a tea party set, and a book.  Liam was so cute. 

We then went to the party at Haylie's grandma's house.  She lives by Foothill and is the coolest grandma. She is very sweet, friendly, fun, and hilarious.  I helped them decorate for the party and we didn't know anyone really.  

Haylie's mom brought cookies.  There were a lot of littles there.  She opened her gifts and got some fun stuff. Sarah got her the cutest clothes.  We then sang Happy Birthday and I cut the cake.  

Her grandma came over and chatted with me for a bit and she had me laughing.  I need to introduce her and my mom.  They would have a riot together.  Dave pushed Liam in the swing.  

We came home and it was so nice to have McKay home again!  He starts school next week.  But Logan seems very close now!  He is the best bud to Carson. These pix crack me up.

Bryce and crew stopped by again.  The kids had fun playing.  Liam is so sweet. He grabbed Bryce's hat and put his hands out and said, "Bryce?"  Like, "Where is Bryce?"  That kid melts my heart.  He is so cute.  They leave for a week with their dad tomorrow.  Everyone kind of chilled and then Taylor face-timed me.  

He was driving back from Oregon. He picked Mary Kate up at the airport on Saturday and then drove to her parent's house in Dallas, Oregon and met them for the first time. They drove to the coast I guess.  He had to have his online recordings of his class on while driving back because he didn't get time to study.  Sounds like school is pretty demanding.  We knew it would be.  Med school is no walk in the park, that's for sure!  He said two students quit the first week.  Kinda crazy after all it takes to get in!  Hard to believe anyone would do that, but with what it costs, I guess they had their reasons.  His tuition is $56 K a year!  It was good to talk to him.

dear random, I am adding these oldies because a lot were never added to the blog. I am horrible at posting our vacations and so I will post those here when they pop up on my FB memories.  And some of the others were when I wasn't blogging.  The collages were thrown together in a mad rush, but it is what it is.

dear quotes,